Music- ^Nostalgia by Said the sky^
~February 24, 2018
Introduced to his style
Specifically his music
Took a few listens
And now I'm so in tune with it
I wish I could produce
We could have music battles
Or work on a collab
Yikes, forget I said that. I know ,im so fucking corny.
Not going to lie though , I was hooked on him
Don't know how though.
I'm thinking the feeling wasn't mutual
I have sympathy for others
He was pushing me away
And probably doesn't even know it
I care for him and want to show emotion
I always want to say I miss you everyday
But I have a feeling that'll cause commotion. I'd willing submit to him that's for sure.
But... When I look into his eyes
I get these super intense butterflies
Ever wondered why I barely looked at you
That's why.
But as time went by
And he continued to experience life
His appearance in my eyes started to scatter
Daily communication felt shattered
I began to overthink
Delusions of reality make me sink
But I have to remind myself that he's going through something...
I don talk to people much , never did
I'm a very quiet soul actually
So I'm always looking forward to talking to him
But it seems as if his soul is blue
So that really got to me...
Having expectations
Hoping I can help him
But I'm not the one he'd open up to.
So I've come to the conclusion that
We should stop talking..
but why?
Why does this decision make me feel so fucking empty?
Why do i experience this strange tingle in my heart?
As if my heart dropped... every time I wake up...
Thinking of you.
I don't think it's hurt, you've done nothing
But it's definitely not relief.
It's not heartbreak because there wasn't love.
I don't know what I want from you
But I know I want you
Stopped "talking" yesterday
Now all I think of is you....
But whatever he's going through
He has musically inspired me
His music motivates me through workouts
I like to get high and just lay there
Lay there listening to his production
His masterpieces of emotion
Thinking maybe someway I could understand...
Understand him better by experiencing his music
A pathway to what he's feeling
Though I think I never will. But I want to...
There was a time I was high as hell.
We were on the phone and he was just talking
Talking about something that pissed him off
It was a good few minutes of it.
And I can't fucking remember it.
Not one word of it. And I wish I could.
And some how that just gets to me.
Because I want to understand him.
That same night I listened to a song.
Nostalgia. (Media above)
Though I don't deeply know this man
I just pictured his face throughout the whole song.
Still do.
Every sound and the voice gives me a feeling about him.
I was super emotional
I had thoughts about losing him while listening.
But how can I lose something that's not mine?
And at this point never will be.
At the end of the day I'm the One that made the decision.
I typed a message and I sent it. Fucking Yikes.
In most cases I'm just naive
I was only focused on him
Some say that's hard to believe
Doubt he'd ever be stuck on me.
He has some healing to do within himself.
I want the best for him.
I want him to be fucking great.
Anyways I'm just a friend now and I'll take that.
But if he was to ever hit my phone
Talking about he's tired of being alone
I'd drop everything and pickup
That's just how "I feel"
-Aiyanah🌸
