Perfect Sky Is Torn

The Imperfect Tear

I shut my eyes for a moment, and breathe.

Slowly opening them, knowing I need too, incase the couple seconds save Louis, I do.

My heart pounds my rib cage in relief when I see him sitting leaned against a tree with his muscular arms by his side. My gaze traces up his arm as I walk towards him, and to his mouth. His lips pressed together softly, he seems relaxed. He is gorgeous. A little tear streams down my cheek, and past a small smile, I knew he wouldn't do it..

I approach him more slowly now, Taking light steps. How could he want to kill himself? Louis.. Brilliant, annoying, my best friend.. But not suicidal. I am such a bloody idiot. It's my fault he's so fucking unhappy.

I kneel beside him, and- what the hell? His skin is paler then ever.. I watch his chest, it doesn't rise, but it should.. It should rise when he breathes.. "Louis" I whisper unsteadily,"LOUIS,UP, WAKE UP!" I grab his arm and shake it. His icy skin shocks me. Up close I see how messed up he really is, his lips blue, and his skin almost translucent. A pain grips my chest, an unbearable pain. My heart feels like it's burning, and an enormous pressure squeezes on my lungs.

"LOUIS!", my words come out in a desperate cry, "No, NO! WHAT DID YOU DO? LOUIS?"

I take his hand loosely in mine, he doesn't move.

I shake his lifeless body, hoping for the impossible, but his eyes stay rested. His pale pink lips, the beautiful ones that tell me jokes, and give me love bites, they don't open to take a breath. They are still.

NO! No no no no no, no.. I wrap my arms around him, pull him into me, and lean into his neck. With a trembling voice I tell him I love him, for the first time.. Too late. Guilt fills my entire being. I should have said it before, I made Louis feel like this, I said it too late.. He didn't know.

I faintly hear a car rumbling by in the distance, music thumping loudly. How is the world still Turing? Mine has stopped. How can people be going about their lives? Louis' ended.. Louis..

I nuzzle my head on my best friends chest and cry for hours. Cry in front of him for the first time ever, and for the last time. I tell him over and over how much I love him. He doesn't hear me, no matter how many times I scream it.

*********** ************

The sun begins to fall, and I'm starting to feel sick, I have no more tears left. But so much sadness. My body shakes with dry crying, and I take a deep breath.

Lifting my head, sore and tired, I gather what's around me. In Louis hand, he has a bottle of pills.. I hate myself, I hate everything that made him so empty. He hasn't even smiled the last month, and I didn't do anything. I noticed, but I thought of some stupid excuse to explain his mood.. I thought he was just tired. My heart wrenches with guilt that he was in so much pain, all my fault.

Finally, I take him in my arms again, "I love you forever" I whisper into his ear," I wish you knew" my voice trembles on 'wish'.

I wish Louis was alive.

I wish we could be in love together.

I wish this never happened.

I Admire his face, the way his long thick lashes curve. His cheek bones, everything about him that I'll never stop missing. His eyelids are closed, and they won't ever open again, and I feel like there really isn't much to live for without Louis. I can't handle him cold and dead in the ground, while I'm alive- no I'm not even really alive without him. I'd never be able to live with myself.. or be happy. I can't even handle this now..

I glance down towards the ground and make a decision. Zayn always told everyone if you love something pursue it, he said that's how love should be. I always thought you should let them free like all the love quotes say, but now I understand.. That's impossible, it's too painful.

A deep red veils over the sky and the sun begins to set. God, I love you Louis.

I pry an arm away from him and with the other I entwine our fingers and run my thumb over his skin. This is it. Reaching down, I grab the pills and pour the bottles remains down my throat. This is where my life lies, in him, I need him. My focus on the ground starts to fade to black, but I'm not afraid, because Louis loves me.

Darker..

In the blackness, I hear a sweet voice.. One I couldn't mistake..

Darker..

He's calling for me

...

Everything going to be okay.

~

~~~ THE END of my first fanfic ever, hope it was bearable, I've never written before this. Harry committing suicide was just a way of me expressing the characters unconditional love. X ---