Photographs

VI. Is this the start?

"Ranneth Angela, come to my office, now." It's my father and for the first in my life after everything I've been through, I wanted to stand up for myself.

"What for, father?" I said trying to sound innocent.

"Don't test my patience Ran. You know what I am saying. Now, straight to my office!" He said walking towards the hallway, my mom walking behind him. She did not say a thing. I guess she doesn't care.

On my way to his office, I am thinking why do I have to experience such thing in my life. People would say that I am one of the luckiest teenagers in town just because I have all the things a normal teenager girl would need. However, all they see are only material things. They only see what our eyes could see, not the things that my heart can feel.

When I arrived at his doorstep, I clenched my fist while wondering what will happen to me if I enter this hell of a room. I've been here before for several reasons and I cannot remember if there is even one happy memory that I experience in this same room.

I am lost in thoughts when the door opened. I then realized that I am taking too long outside and it made my father angrier. Yes, the term's angry not upset. I don't know but maybe it's because I caused them so much disappointments in the past and that they cannot trust me anymore.

"Come inside, Ran. You're wasting our time and you know how time is important for us and we would never waste it on you if this issue is not that important," mother said.

I entered the room and it brought chills all over my body. I have so many bad memories in here that I just want to faint right now.

I stood on the other side of his table. My father had his arms crossed and I could clearly see that he would never hear any explanation that I will say. My mother, on the other hand, is sitting on a chair by the window. Her stare's like she is going to kill. You may think that the issue here is plain and simple but not for the two of them. Their stares are figuratively sucking my soul out from my body that I just want to get out of here. So, I mustered all the courage that I gained awhile ago and plainly said, "Father, I don't want to waste any more of your time. I just want both of you to know that you cannot stop me now. I'll do this and I'll succeed even without you believing in me". I turned without waiting them to answer. This is the start.

But when I thought that this is game on, I was stopped dead on my tracks when my father's voice echoed in the room.

"Who do you think you are talking to, Ranneth Angela?" father shouted.

Then right there, all the courage I mustered went on the drain. I couldn't turn around to face my father.

"Now, say something, Ran! What on earth are you doing with your life?" father asked.

I sigh then said, "It's none of your business, father".

After I said those words, I felt a sting on my face. My mother slapped me. I didn't notice her standing close to me because I am looking down with my eyes closed. I was shocked. But, I know that I need to face this before anything else. So, I raised my head and looked them in the eye.

"Why are you doing this to me? Why do you rule my life like you were there for me all along? Yes, I know I put both of you in so many disappointments, but do I deserve this? Do I deserve to stop my life just because of it? When will both of you understand that I am different than all of you? Should I suffer because of that? If yes, I am sorry that I came to your life. Well, it's never my choice to be alive right now because all my life, I felt like a failure. So just so you know photography saves my life and there's nothing that you can do. I will go on with the contest whether you like it or not. End of discussion."

From that, I turned and left without looking back. I felt a tear on my face as I stepped outside and I know I should let it all out.