Right Now (Zarry AU)(Boyxboy)

7

"I'm not fine at all" 5SOS

*Warning: this chapter can make you cry and it includes self-harm*

Zayn's POV

It's been a month since I told Harry I was gay and it has been a living hell. I barely come out of my room. All I do is cry like a wimp, I hate feeling like this but I can't help it. He was all I ever wanted, how stupid of me to think that something could happen. I ruined our friendship of years and it's all my fault for being like this.

All those harsh words he said to me keep repeating in my head. I look down at my arms running my fingers over my scars. I'm a worthless fag I don't deserve to be loved. How stupid of me to think Harry was any different. He didn't really care about me.

All those promises were bullshit. He promised he would be with me through good and bad. Because that's what best friends are for. But no he doesn't fucking care. He never will. I lay down on my bed and close my eyes remembering that horrible night.

💭Flashback💭

It was a Friday night and I decided that it was time to tell Harry that I was gay and that I liked him. Maybe he will like me back or just accept me and we keep being friends.

I walk down the stairs and see Harry sitting on the living room watching tv. I run a hand through my hair and sigh. I can't chicken out it's now or never.

"Hey Harry can we talk ?" I ask nervously.

"Yeah sure Zayn" Harry smiles at me.

"Well promise we will still be friends after this please ?" I ask blinking back the tears.

"Zayn what's wrong you're worrying me " he says looking at me confused.

"Harry I'm gay and I've always liked you since I first met. Please don't hate me" I whisper and I look at Harry he's giving me a look of disgust.

"You're a fucking fag Zayn ! No wonder you never brought a girl home" he say in disgust and I want to die right there and then.

"Harry please don't say that" I say touching his knee and he stands up glaring at me.

" Zayn leave me the fuck alone !" Harry snaps.

"Please Harry can we still be friends ?, it's the least I can get from you " I plead.

"I'm disgusted by you don't you get it ?!" Harry hisses.

"It's not my fault I fell in love with a fucking homophobic !" I yell.

"Fuck off Zayn I don't want to see you in my way " Harry growls.

"We live together there's not much you can do " I point out.

"Just make sure we don't cross paths" Harry says storming to his room.

💭End of Flashback💭

I start crying again. I know it's stupid to cry for over something so stupid but I can't help it . Now I've got nothing. I don't have Harry or his friendship nothing.

I walk inside my bathroom and fill up the tub. I strip down and grab my best friend ; the blade. I get inside the tub and wipe my tears. I move the blade around my fingers looking at it.

I know this is dumb but it's the only way to numb the pain I'm feeling. I know how I said I would put my self first but I didn't know that getting rejected by Harry was going to be this hard. He treated me like a worthless piece of shit. That's how I'm feeling right now.

I put the blade on my flesh. One cut this is for being stupid. Two this is for liking Harry. Three this is for being a fag. Four is for being worthless. Five no one will ever love me . Six I don't deserve to live. I put the blade down.

I put my arm inside the water and hiss because it stings. The water turns a pink color because of my blood and I start crying. I wrap my arms around myself and cry until I can't anymore.

After a while I get out of the tub and dry myself. I bandage my cuts disinfecting them. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't recognize myself.

My cheekbones are more prominent. I have dark circles around my eyes. My lips are chapped and I look paler. My hair is long and I have a stubble. I look and feel like a homeless man.

I sigh and go inside my room. I put and long sleeve shirt, my boxers and my favorite sweatpants. I pick up my phone and see I have a lot of missed calls and texts from Louis. Should I call him and tell him what happened ? He is after all my best friend. But I don't want to be a burden to him.I shake my head. I'll call him some other day.

My stomach grumbles and I groan. I stand up and look at the mess that is my room. Since Harry doesn't want me to cross paths with him I take food weekly and bring it to my room. All the left overs are every where . Maybe I should clean this up.

I open the door to my room and look around. There's no sign of Harry or Bianca thank God. Yeah that bitch is staying with my Harry, I mean with Harry. All they do is have sex and it's pretty sad to hear almost every night. She practically lives here now.

I walk inside the kitchen and take a trash bag. I climb the stairs as fast as I can. I start picking up all my mess and tie the bag when I'm done. Eh it looks more decent now I guess.

I walk downstairs carrying the trash bag. I open the front door and squint my eyes when the sun hit my eyes. Geez I need to get out of my room before I rot in there. I throw the bag away and walk inside the house again closing the door behind me.

I walk to the kitchen and make myself a tuna sandwich. I take a basket and fill it with some food. I grab the basket filled with food and go to my room. I close the door and lock it. After I'm done with my sandwich I lay down on my bed and think of what I should do with my life now.

I probably don't have a job anymore. Maybe I failed all my classes too. Why did I let him get to me this way ? 'It's because you love him' my conscious reminds me and I roll my eyes. This is stupid I need to get a life again.

Maybe I'll stay inside just one more week. Then I can go shopping and get new stuff and maybe that will cheer me up. What if I get a new haircut? Dress differently ? I think I'm ready for a new me. Even if it's just a facade to cover me hurting inside.

~Authors Note~

Well wasn't this some depressing chapter ? I literally cried writing the scene where Zayn was cutting. 😞😭😭

If one of you guys is going through a depressing state or you're self-harming don't be afraid to message me I'm here for you guys. I know how it feels. ☺️💕😞

Aye ! On the Brightside I updated again. Thanks to all your feedback on the last chapter here I am 2 am writing a chapter for you my lovely readers.

This book has 9k and 359 votes and counting. You don't know how greatful I am guys.

Do guys like the new book cover ?

Comment down below and vote please 💕☺️

Ily guys💕