𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ➳ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐥 𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬

Chapter 23 ~ Someday We'll Meet in the Clouds

Carl was saying his last goodbyes to Rick and Michonne then and with every word, I could feel my heart breaking inside my chest.

"You can't kill all of 'em, Dad. There's gotta be something after," he was saying to his father, talking of the Saviors, "For you and for them. There's gotta be something after... You told me we can be better than them. You said that to me..."

I shared a glance with Michonne beside me as we listened to the two of them.

"I know you can't see it yet - how it could be. But I have - you have a beard. It's - it's bigger and grayer, Michonne's happy, Winnie is older, and she's listening to the songs that I used to before... Angel, you're there, too. You're raising our kids in our house and our son he-he wears my hat. And you're-you're happy. Alexandria's bigger. There's-there's new houses, crops, and people working. Everybody living, helping everybody else live. If you can still be who you were, dad, that's how it could be. It could..."

My heart clenched in my chest at his words. I wanted to ask how. How could I be happy? Without him in my life? I couldn't live without him! I felt my chest heave and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying desperately to hold in the sobs that threatened to emit from my mouth.

"Carl. It was all for you. Right from the start. Back in Atlanta, the farm - everything I did, it was for you. Then, at the prison, it was for you and Judith... It still is. It's gonna be. And nothing - nothing is gonna change that," Rick said, his voice thick with emotion.

"I want this for you, Dad..." Carl told him softly.

"I'm gonna make it real, Carl. I promise. I'm gonna make it real," he promised him before breaking down into tears, "Carl, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. A father's job is to protect his son,"

"Love... It's just to love..." Carl told him, his voice so quiet in the dusty old church.

We sat in silence for just a moment before slowly, his hand reached down to the gun in his holster, snapping it free. My eyes widened in terror, stricken by what he was about to do.

"No. No," Rick shook his head adamantly.

"Carl! It-it-it-it should be-" Michonne started to say but he cut her off.

"I know. I know. Somebody you love. When you can't do it yourself... But I still can," he said before his voice broke slightly, "I grew up. I have to do this. Me..."

His eye shifted to Michonne and Rick then and I saw Rick squeeze his son's hand as the tears streamed down the older Grimes' face.

"I love you," he said softly to Michonne and she sobbed before mustering a smile.

"I love you, too," she spoke through her tears, her voice nearly inaudible, she was so broken up.

Tilting his head slightly to face Rick, he gazed up at his father.

"I love you, Dad," he said to him, tears rolling down the sides of his face.

"I love you, Carl. I love you so much." Rick broke down then, bending down to place one last, sweet kiss on his son's forehead before gazing down at him, "I'll make it real. I will...I will."

And as Rick and Michonne walked away, leaving the two of us alone in that church, I could feel the pit of dread grow in my stomach. The tightness in my chest made it hard to breathe as his eye found mine. I broke then. I let it all out in one loud, heartbreaking sob that left me almost hyperventilating as the tears kept coming. My chest heaved and it felt like I was the one dying. And I guess a part of me was.

A part of me was going with him.

"Angel..." he breathed softly, his hand resting on my knee gently, "Angel..."

Finally, I was able to suck in a shaky breath and meet his blue-eyed gaze.

"I love you...I love you so much," he cried then, making my own tears come harder, "When-when-when this is over...be happy. Get married again, find love...don't be sad forever... Not over this..."

I nodded through the onslaught of tears, hiccuping sobs bubbling up from my throat as he weakly pulled me into one last hug. His body was weak and warm from fever but he held me as tight as he could. In my ear, I could hear his steadily fading heartbeat and I squeezed him once before letting go. My hair framed my face slightly so he pushed it behind my ear like he used to do as I gazed down at him...for the very last time.

"I love you, too, Carl Grimes. I always will..." I choked out, my chest heaving once, twice before I calmed my breathing.

My feet felt like lead as I stood up from the floor and made my way over to the doorway, my heart heavy in my chest. And as I glanced back over my shoulder at the sight of him lying there, his piercing blue eye connecting to mine...I knew it would be the last time I saw Carl Grimes. I'd barely stepped outside into the light of day, the floorboards creaking under my weight when a loud gunshot rang out in the air. An ear-piercing scream ripped from my throat. My knees gave way then and I groped at the pillar beside me for support but it was no use. I went down like a stone onto my knees, my body wracked with sobs.

It felt like someone had stabbed a knife into my heart and I was bleeding out - agony washing over me in waves that did not cease. Rick walked over then and wordlessly gathered me into his arms as I sobbed.

"Please come back to me!" I shouted, crying uncontrollably as my breathing became irregular, his arms keeping me steady.

A hiccuping sob ripped from my mouth and I was barely able to catch my breath, sniffling slightly, "Why-why-why am I still h-here?! Why am I here if-if he's n-not?!"

I squeezed my eyes shut so tight it hurt then as the dullness spread throughout me, making every fiber in my being ache with irrevocable pain.