Happier

5

Andy-

There she was. She walked through the door. How did she know where the new flat was? That doesn't matter. All that does is that she was there. She was wearing the outfit I had always told her was my favorite. Her hair was down as I had told her once that it lays perfectly and the soft curls bounce slightly when she walks. But when I look at her, I can't see her as pretty as I once had, but instead I saw right through her. I saw all the lies, all the secrets. I saw the the girl who cheated on me instead of the girl I spent nearly three years of my life with. I saw all the bad instead of the good as everything came rushing back to me. It was getting hard to breathe, but no one would help me. No one would see me, they were all too focused on chatting with the girl that broke my heart and left me without a second thought. I began to feel hot tears running down my cheeks. I sobbed aloud but no one heard me. I cowered into a corner as her eyes were daggers stabbing my heart.

"Andy!" Rye said as he sat me up and pulled me into his lap. I realized then that I had been dreaming.

"R-Rye?" I stuttered out, but it was more of a question.

"Shh. Just relax. It's ok. I'm here." He said softly as he ran his hand up and down my arm to keep me warm. I rested my head against his chest and tried to get my breathing back to normal.

Once I had calmed down a bit, with the help of Rye, he moved to where his back was up against the headboard and pulled the covers up and over us. I opened my eyes again, realizing now that it was already bright outside. I groaned as I burried my face in the crook of Rye's neck. He chuckled and held me tighter.

"You slept good until the last few minutes." He said a little while later. I nodded my head as I took it away from his neck and sat up.

"I'm gonna go for a run. The boys are at the gym, they literally left like ten minutes ago. Are you gonna be ok alone?" He asked me as he draped his feet over the side of the bed. I nodded my head.

"Yeah I'll be fine. Just please don't get lost and hurry back." I replied as he stood up. He looked me in the eyes and smiled. He slowly leaned in and connected our lips, again, but pulled away seconds later.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that. I'll be as quick as possible." He blushed and turned to walk away. I grabbed his wrist and turned him back around, pecking his lips before walking to the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror and asked myself why I was doing this to myself. I wasn't ready for a new relationship, but everytime Rye's lips were on mine nothing else mattered in the world. There were even more sparks each time we kissed then the time before. I had never been in a relationship with a guy, but it felt natural and right with Rye.

But I'm not ready. I can't just move on from Hannah that easily. Or can I?

No. I can't. And I wish it didn't have to be that way, but after spending so much time with one person and thinking they were your true love, moving on isn't that easy.

And besides, Rye doesn't really wanna be with me. How could he honestly like me. He's so fit and has perfectly outlined abs, and I don't have that. I'll admit I'm not fat or anything, but I don't have abs or noticable muscle that makes me 'hot'. I'm not hot. And most people I come across just say I'm 'cute' and others say I'm 'ugly'.

I sighed and turned away from the mirror, walking out of the bathroom and back to mine and Mikeys room. The boys were, thankfully, still at the gym. Rye had just left the house for his run, leaving me plenty of time to be miserable on my own. I sat down on the edge of my bed and placed my head in my hands.

I guess being alone can really get a lot thoughts going through your head. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the thought of Hannah out of my head, she was still walking into that bar over and over again, wrapped up in some dudes arms who would probably break her heart sooner or later and then she'd be back to square one. Why did I even care though? She hurt me a lot and I still find myself caring this much to think about her all the time. Why was she a thought that even crossed my mind? Oh right, because I had loved her at one point. Maybe I still love her? No, I don't. I love... And that's the issue.

I don't know who I love, and I don't know who loves me. But, I like Rye. Do I love Rye? Well obviously, I mean he's my best mate, but could I possibly be falling in love with my band mate?

No. I'm not, right? Maybe I am. Maybe Rye could be the new base to my structure? No. He doesn't love me. Why would he? I mean, look at me. I'm a selfish, no good, ugly little depressed...thing and I think that my band mate who hates me could be the answer to all of my problems? I'm even more stupid than I thought.

I took my hands from my face to discover that they were wet. I hadn't even realized I was crying. I heard the door to the flat open but didn't even move an inch. I just sat there, back hunched, staring at the floor as the tears streamed down my cheeks in steady streams.

"Andy?" I heard a concerned voice say from the doorway. I knew it was Rye. I can recognize his voice from anywhere. I didn't move my eyes from the floor as I felt him walk over. "Please talk to me Andy. At least look at me." He said. I lifted my head up and looked at his face.

It was shiny with sweat and his hair was all over the place. But, he still looked extremely attractive, and somehow I found myself longing for my lips to be upon his.

He frowned and kneeled down in front of me. He placed his hand gently on my cheek, and I broke. I hate how this is the side of me that he sees now. He doesn't see the happy, smiley, lively side of me. He sees this sad, down, depressed side of me. I cried harder as he pulled me against his body and placed his hand on the back of my head. I cried into his shoulder, and although he didn't seem to mind, I couldn't help but think that I was just another burden placed upon him for him to have to deal with.

~