THE HEIST

What? I Have To Title The Introduction Aswell?

I should mention that this chapter isn't really an introduction to the story.
The introduction starts in the next chapter. 

I've been hiding from the Wattpad revolution for a long time.

I couldn't understand why anyone would care about what anyone wrote, had for breakfast, thought about, or any such thing. That was until five minutes ago when I published my own story.

Hypocrite!, you yell? Well, you would, of course, you would, until I shot you with a gun, and then you wouldn't.

(If you're missing the 'subtle' undertones, and skipping reading between the lines, then you would've just realized you were missing them. [Clever use of a bracket? Why most definitely. A fact I may explain in curly braces another time] )

But please bear with me, As I decided to publish my story when I was reading someone else's story, and I realized how incredibly boring it was. And when I was about to get up and track down that person and smash their phone to bits so that they may never write again, it hit me. That, boring as it was, I had just read the entire thing.

Because that, of course, is the best way to formulate a decently informed opinion.

So I got down and I scratched my best friend, and I thought, hmmm. Judging by the habits of the general masses, if someone stumbled across a story, boring as it may be, they'd at least read half of it and that was good enough for me.

The goal here is for someone to read what I wrote, and for me to do a little jig in my room when someone does.

How exactly would I find out if someone read my story, is a question that's only occurred to me while typing this. At the time I was imagining typing though, I was happy enough to find a valid reason to cite in case I was ever caught doing a jig in my room. Until now I've been attributing it to 'bolo tararara' and 'Tunak, Tunak dhun' which are thankyouverymuch two of the best songs ever.

What then, is one suppose to write about? Mystery Thrillers? I think not.

So then I shall explain in detail the inter-personal relationships between humans and pets. Basically, the relationships between humans and pets are NOT inter-personal relationships. If you read that anywhere, you may excuse the author for his devilish handsomeness.

Inter-personal relationships, I'm assuming, require at least two people, i.e. persons, i.e ice-creams, etc.

No, the relationship between humans and pets have been held sacred for many years.

From History,
Alexander had a pet that was afraid of horses.
Christopher Columbus had a pet.
Henry The Eighth had 8 wives which he was much nicer to than his pets.
Bob Marley had pets.
Mine ran away, and you'll see abandonment references all over the book. 

But that's not really the issue here.

No, it is exactly the issue here. Don't get misled so easily.

That is why I'm furthering an agenda to have vegetarians licensed and tagged, so we can monitor their behaviour more closely and get to the root of why they think everything except plants feels pain.

But, pain is what I really want to talk about.

No its not.

I could talk a lot more. But lucky for you, this is typing and not talking. And I really don't feel like typing anymore.

If you made it this far, leave a comment. 
Help a poor Indian have cause to do a little jig in his room.

All comments/death threats/spam/bitcoin accepted.