New Home, New Hope (On Hold)

Long time, no visit

Nick’s POV

I can’t believe it, I finally did it. I finally found her, I have finally found my Bella. These past three years have been absolute hell, and it was all my fault. I thought I had lost her, I never once thought this day would happen. Hell, I never thought I would ever see Anna again. Everything I told her was true, every confession, every word, all of it…. it was all true. After… that day, I could never be happy, I could never make myself happy. I hated myself for what I had done, I pushed my one and only best friend away. I lost the only person who really, truly cared about me. She was all I had, and the both of us never needed more than that, it was her and I against the world. After she left, my whole life was turned upside down, I didn’t have anyone left. I tried going out and making some new friends, and for a while, I had a lot of friends. But they weren’t good people, and when I was around them, neither was I. I was arrested twice, and had many more close-calls with the law as well. It was so hard to live my life knowing what I had done, and how much I hurt Anna, that I had to do something to take the pain away. I knew Anna would have wanted me to go to church, to find refuge there, but because that is what she would have wanted, I couldn't bring myself to do it. So I went the other way. I tried drugs, I’ve drank my nights away, I’ve smoked anything I could get my hands on. But none of it filled the hole that was missing inside of me, the hole that appeared when she left.

I stare at her from across the table, trying everything I can to memorize every feature of my dear Bella. Every freckle, the way her eyes light up when she laughs, her laugh that is so infectious that it can make anyone around her laugh along as well, everything I can. I’ve missed her so much, and now that I know what it is like to not have her around, I never want to go through it again. “So Anna, tell me what I’ve missed.” I ask her. She laughs and replies, “Where do I even begin?” “Well how about at the beginning?” I fold my hands on the table and lean forward as she thinks about what she is going to say. Within the minute,she starts. “Well my foster guardians are Tom and Lauren, and they kept Windle and I together, so they are pretty cool. There are 3 other kids living with us. There is Sarah, who is 16 like me, and then Amy and Mike, who are both 4 years old. Looking back, everyday kind of just blends together though, you know?” And I did know. I knew exactly what that feels like. “Well what about lately? What’s been going on in the past like month?”, I ask her, genuinely curious  about her life now. “You know… school, church, the usual”, she tells me, but I can see in her eyes that she is lying. And the fact that she is twirling her hair in her necklace - a bad habit that she tended to do whenever she lied- didn’t help much. She was bouncing her leg too, which told me that is was something more than just a little white lie. Almost 3 years away from her and I can still read her like an open book. But I decide not to bring it up, I mean, I can’t blame her for not wanting to just tell me, you know, because of how lo0ng we have been away from each other. Before I can ask her another question, she turns the tables as she suddenly smiles and asks, “Well what about you Nicky? What’s new with you?” I smile and reply, “Well ever since thursday, all I’ve done is try to track you down.” She laughed before answering back again. “I mean before that! Or even after that. Like, what have you been up to this past month, whether or not you have a girlfriend. You know, all that good stuff.” The good stuff? What am I, a gossip magazine?, I think to myself. I think about her question, and decide to be brutally honest with her. “Well the past two months have been focused solely on fixing up my life. I got into trouble with the law, and right now I’m working on getting everything sorted out. And I did have a girlfriend, but that was almost a year ago. We broke up because she said she never really had feelings for me and that she was actually just cheating on me the entire time. I was crushed, I really had feelings for her , but all she did was just play with my heart. After her, I didn’t date again, she just ruined it for me. And for a while I gave up on myself. Actually, I was in the park last thursday wondering why I was still around and wondering if it was really worth me living. And then you ran into me. And I knew right then why even though I went through hell, you were the reason that I had carried on.” With every word I said, I could see the sadness in her eyes grow more and more. I didn't want her to cry, or feel bad for me, I just wanted to show her how much she means to me and that I will honestly do anything to get my best friend back. She finally spoke after a few minutes of painful silence. “I am so so so sorry Nicky. You do not deserve that. You didn’t deserve any of that. You know that if I could have, I would have done everything in my power to help you.” I smiled, she hasn’t changed one bit since I left. She was still the compassionate girl that I knew as my best friend. And seeing her this happy, and seeing that she hasn't changed, that hole in my heart disappeared, and I was full again.

“Bella, don’t be sorry, alright? You didn’t know any of this, and I didn’t want you to. You were safe, and I didn’t know where you were. Which is probably a good thing for that time being. I was a mess. But I’m better now, and while I don't think I will ever be the exact same as before, that’s ok. Neither of us will be, and that is just how life works. But if it’s ok with you, I would really really love having my best friend back.” Right as she was about to respond, the waitress brings us some food. “Ma’am, we didn’t order any of this”, Annabella tells her. The waitress -Laurine, thanks to her name tag- simply smiled as she said, “You two may not have ordered it, but someone else did. And don’t worry pumpkin, the price has been taken care of.” She gives us a wink before she walks away. She is the type of waitress every person loves having. With graying hair, and the glint in her eye, you can tell that anyone would love her as a grandmother, me included. Trying to process what had just happened, I tell Anna, “Well who would we be if we rejected free food?” I immediately grab my fork and dig into the pancakes ahead of me. After about two or three bites into my meal, I look up to find Anna just sitting there, not having touched her food, but instead, just sitting there staring at it. “Hey Bell, are you gonna eat? It’ll get cold.” I tell her, but she doesn't move. “Bell?” Still nothing. I place my hand on her arm, and she jerks back, blinking her eyes rapidly before apologizing, “Sorry, just kinda spaced… This is what I got every time my parents would take me here.” I look down at her plate and realize she was right, for the both of us. This is exactly what we ordered every time that her family and I came here, which was every Saturday and Sunday, so the workers got to know our order by heart. She pushes her food away from her, and very quietly tells me that she can’t eat it. I sigh, put my hand on top of hers, and squeeze it gently, silently letting her know that it is alright. She looks up at me, tears threatening to spill and she says, “Could you take me home now?” Of course, I did just that. We got up, and while she headed out to the car I went to Laurine, giving her a nice thank you, but explaining to her that we were in a rush and had to run. I pulled out a five dollar bill, and handed it to her. “I hope you have a wonderful day Laurine”, I tell her. Her eyes glow when I said her name, and replies “You too Nick, you too.” As I head to my car, I wonder how she knew my name, but decided that she must have just heard it in the conversation Anna and I were having before she gave us the food. Anna was waiting next to the passenger door, and as soon as I unlock my car, she opened the door, sat down, closed the door, and was already buckled in a matter of seconds. I get in, start the car and pull out of the place that once was filled with our laughter and child happiness, and I watch it through my rearview mirror until you can’t see it anymore. Once we start heading back to Anna’s town, I pull over at a gas station, and look at her. “Please don’t ask about the restaurant. I can’t talk about it right now”, She begs. I simply smile as I tell her, ”Bell, you should know me better than that. I know you don’t want me to bring it up, and I wasn’t going to. I just needed to ask for the directions to your house.” A sad smile appears on her face for a second before disappearing again. “Pull out of here and take a right.” And with that, the subject of Denny’s was dropped, but not forgotten.