The Exchange Hero

Episode 20

"I am so confused!" I got off the couch and started pacing.

"About what specifically?" Dr. Shuzenji queried.

"Why don't I want to be a hero? Where did that decision come from?"

"What do you mean?"

"I just found out that at least some of what I think I know about my family is wrong. And with that museum memory ..."

"What about it? Why do think that memory is so important?"

I sat back down and faced the shrink. "I think it likely had a huge impact on me growing up. But because I didn't consciously remember the event and its aftermath, I don't know what that impact might have been."

"You think it might have influenced your decision not to want to be a hero."

"I just don't know how much of my decision is consciously thought out and how much is because of the guilt and fear from that event."

"How does this guilt make you feel?"

"Every time I think about what happened back then ... what I did ... I feel like never using my powers again."

"But you use your powers almost every day?"

I started tugging at my hair. "Because I have no choice with my strength. But I'm not using all my power. And I'm not using them in the best ways I could."

"How do you mean?"

"All Might said something about how I might be associating speed with strength and how I could be unconsciously trying to limit my strength by limiting my speed. I think he's right."

"Why? What makes you think that?"

I was up pacing again. "Twice in the past few months I've moved much faster than I thought I could. Much faster than I did in any of the training simulations or situations. Both times were to save people in real danger. I moved to block Nomu when he was attacking Bakugo. And I moved with what had to be super speed when the train was going off the rails."

"Are you sure that wasn't just an adrenalin reaction? Ordinary people can find themselves performing extraordinary feats in life or death situations."

"I don't think so. My internship mentors put me through a speed test against a robot last week. Essentially, they tricked me by slowly ratcheting up the speed until, without consciously realizing it, I was moving much faster than I had shown I could before." I was leaning against the office window. Outside it was beginning to rain.

"What do you think is triggering this phenomenon?"

"I am slowing myself down. It has to be psychological rather than physiological. This makes me wonder what other unconscious psychological effects or limitations I am working under." I moved back to the couch. I saw that our hour was almost up.

"Such as?"

"What if I am also unconsciously prejudicing myself against heroes and being a hero? I also wonder if my memory of the robots saving the day at the museum started my obsession with robots and my desire to build them to help people. Instead of being a hero to help people. I just don't know."

"What about what happened last week?"

"Do you realized I have saved a lot of people in the last few months? Bakugo. The people on the train. And at least three people last week. There was a point where one of the Nomu had thrown a car at a group of people I was trying to get out of the area. If I hadn't caught the car, it's certain that at least one of them would have died. Maybe all three. And I did that as a hero." Just then a bell sounded.