pity.
thats all I see on their eyes. probably because we were the most unprepared one there. my friend ends up making our costume until 3 a.m. we thanked her a lot.
we were supposed to perform first but, we purposely came late. we dont want to perform first. we ended up performing second last.
looking at my other classmates, they were wearing all fancy costumes. watching them perform makes me feel even worse.
they say our costume is fine- its great. I feel like they didnt mean it.
the night before I cried, my anxiety attacks me. in the morning it was better, at least.
my friend panicked she asked me if we can practice one more time, but its too late. the teacher is already counting on us. her eyes started to water but she manage to hold it in.
we were ready to perform, many teased us but we just shook the tease away. the music started- too loud at first but it finally started.
this is it.
the thing ive been avoiding is happening now.
I manage to not panic and smile, i calmed down myself. many people are watching, including someone I really adore.
it wasnt as impressive as the others, our moves were simple. but one week of practice isnt enough for it.
we finished it of and I felt like a part of the burden in my life has been taken away. that might sound too dramatic for a middle schooler.
nobody clapped, except for our art teacher. it was awkward, I really want to get out of there.
I was sweating like crazy, I wanted to go home before I overthink things. now that I finished it, I really want to re do it. our moves werent synchronized, I could feel it.
forget it, weve done this and we are done.
last session wast the group photo session, we took a photo but im insecure of my looks. my makeup was starting to fade away. and I probably look ugly.
we finished, and then I changed. everyone is taking pictures, I really want to take pictures with my other friends, but im too insecure.
then one of my classmates asked to take a picture with me and I did. it didnt came out bad.
but until now I still havent saw my class's group photo. I want to saw it so bad and show it to my mom, because she really wants to see it.
but for me, I want to burn them all because I probably look horrible.
we were about to go home then one of my classmates that I didnt hate walk pass me and said " your move was not that synchronized" he probably said jokingly.
I said shut up jokingly and he chuckled. but what he said is still bugging me a lot. im overthinking things.
but he said something else to my friend that calmed me a little. "your performance was great" I dont know how he said it, but atleast one person said it.
i got home didnt had lunch and just take a nap right away. hoping the anxiety and thoughts had gone away.
but until now It hasnt, I care too much with what other people think.
this is my anxiety, insecurities, and overthinking mind. listening to music helps me a lot.
I thought writing it and sharing it to the internet would help.
but its still here.
Overthinking · offonoff
12 A.M.
