the past few days was boring. but doesnt mean my anxiety is getting better.
on thursday we were studying in additional class for the national test(?) and I literally get an anxiety from thinking i might get a wrong answer.
anxiety can lead small things to bigger problems.
Wednesday, I collect my fish carving. even tho the teacher didnt attend class but okay,,,,
on tuesday we play basketball for p.e. boring again. but this one person I adore likes playing it, but it still is boring.
all I did was try a couple of time and continue to sit on the ground and draw on the sand.
I'm pretty tall for a middle schooler, im probably an the tallest girl in my class.
oh yeah almost forgot.
this annoying freaking guy-- yes I really wanna swear.
he's so annoying, treating me as if im a child and is innocent. just because a certain person is quite doesnt mean they are innocent stupid ass.
and he can't leave me alone for fucks sake (oops). yall refer me as the 'brain of the class' but im not on top. why are you all(classmates) asking me for answers when im not even on top.
I like math and english thats why I enjoy it so much.
but this other girl is smarter than me, go to her and ask her if you could copy her homework not mine.
and this is where anxiety came in.
I felt bad if you are wrong because you copy MY homework, I really want to say "is it my fault?" NO. I'm not the one to decide for you to copy my homework, just stop. I felt bad.
it might seemed hard cause it IS. thats why i dont want you to COPY my homework.
I know it doesnt seem like a big deal but shit man. I worked hard and youre just gonna do that. work hard on something else rather than your girlfriends sometimes, it'll be worth it.
and pretending that you care and act all cute and smooth and CRINGEY in front of me just because you want to copy my homework is just disgusting.
when youre done copying, what you do? treat me like shit because im a nobody other than 'the class's brain'.
oomf-- im sorry for being what you called "smart" even tho I dont feel that I am. i am average.
its just you, all of you-- are too lazy of an ass, try improving yourself for once.
I'm average, y'all are just below average.
I seem harsh right now, this has became a rant book lol. but im saying the truth believe me.
this guy been annoying me so much idk what to put as an example.
oh yeah one thing.
I didnt say no when they wanted to copy because I can't. i dont know why, I thought they would hate me if I didn't let them.
I cant scream like how the other girls do everyday, doesnt mean I want you to do some stupid things.
me not saying anything doesnt mean yes.
Thursday, telecomunication information and communication period (ik long ass name). there was a test.
I wasnt alarmed for anything so I didnt study.
but the whola class knows that im somehow kinda good at this subject.
when I got in the room the teacher told us we were having tests, and unfortunately I sat on the left side.
a.k.a where the lazy asses bad boys club was sitting.
when the teacher finished talking, they moved closer to me so they can cheat. well bitch I was obviously mad.
I dont know what had gotten into me but I literally just laughed everything off the entire period.
this one specific guy that i had been mentioning lets give him a fake name. lets call him richard a.k.a dick head.
Richard, however, moved too close to me. he probs felt familiar with cheating his tests to me so the other boys were relying on him.
I was so fucking uncomfortable i wanted to graduate from that school.
they were saying like "ooh lets move closer to the brain!(me)" "the brain is here!" they chuckled, fuck them.
I obviously got uncomfortable so I looked around for an empty space. I look to the right to see my other friend patting the space beside her.
I quickly stands up and moved there.
a couple of "aw"s and "yahh"s were heard, I was glad,,,, only for five seconds.
and then dick head richard came and he foLLOWED ME. HOW IGNORANT OF HIM.
I gave up, and let him stay there. I was totally uncomfortable. he tried asking me the answer cutely, politely but i swept all that of and ignore the ignorant human.
we finished and richard ended up asking other girls for answers. thank god. so we switched books, and richard got mine so hes going to correct it.
and turns out,
richard got the highest score for the test, he was shocked. I was too but I couldve care less.
when we got back to our class, and richard came to my table and told me that he corrected one of my wrong answer.
I didnt say thank you which he was probably expecting.
in the end i kept blabbering to my friend how annoying richard was and how I didnt need his pity.
wow this turned out long, gonna make this one just for thursday then.
Violet · Pentagon
11.17 P.M.
