Thrills, Kills and Sunday Pills

Contemplative Rainstorm

In my ears I had 'My Name is Human' as loud as I could get it. It's not what I usually listen to, but it's something new. I don't normally get into new music, I listen to the new stuff from bands I like, but me finding a whole new band with a whole new genre is new. This song makes me feel powerful though. Just some weird vibe about it makes me feel like I own everything. Music is weird, you know? Some songs sound really happy but make you feel scared, other songs are sad but make you angry. 

The rain was getting harder. I was getting more and more drenched, but my main concern was my phone getting wet and my music stopping. Then I'd have to take my earphones out and risk getting into conversation with someone. But one cool thing about where I live is the fact that everyone is pretty much similar to me. Walking around in the rain with a grunge band shirt on, listening to music, thinking about what they should do to give them a rush. I don't have a particular rush motive, but mainly graffiti. I always have a spray can in my hand, or on some days when I wear hoodies I have one tucked invisibly into the hood. 

I see some people hand out drugs, bash people for the pure hell of it, even on lucky days I watch some poor sod get killed. It's never my problem, so I never care. What if it's my friend, you ask? You're funny. I have no friends. Well, I have one. But he wouldn't get killed. He'd kill the guy before he even had a chance to get the knife out. 

His name's Archie, and his motive is bashing people. One of many, in fact. He's got lots of motives: bashing people, threatening people, walking around with an open knife, stabbing animals, slowly slicing rats up and down their bodies, he's a messed kid. He's cool, but utterly messed. I haven't seen him since last week, and I don't particularly want to run into him at a busy moment. It's not pretty what he does for his rush, it's a little disturbing. I think my parents should swap my therapy and give it to him. He needs it. 

The rain was hurting me now. It came down so hard I felt it more than I'd like to. I saw an alley behind a school, and decided to chill out there. Schools in my town are super dodgy, kids wag all the time, about a quarter of the teachers are pedophiles, and all the rooms smell of smoke and whiskey. I found a packet of cigarettes under a newspaper. I took one out and lit the end. It was the last one in the packet, and a family of ants were surviving the rain in the box. I put it down and lit it on fire. Ants scattered out of it trying to escape, but they died of the smoke before they could escape safely. 

I looked up at the rain. Rain looks cool when you view if from a directly below angle. If I had a good camera, I'd do some photography. But there's two reasons I won't: First reason, I don't benefit anything from it. I don't have social media, nobody wants to buy stuff from me and I won't get paid. Second reason is that I'm lazy and some photography involves hardcore editing, which I don't have the time or the software to do that. 

I started smoking the cigarette. It was dry, so it didn't taste like the shit my last one did. Smoking is so bad for me. I should burn all my packets and ditch them entirely. It's impossible to stop, though... it's just one of the best mechanisms I have. It's just a nice feeling, and it keeps you warm inside... not to mention when you blow out smoke you feel so powerful it hurts. I feel like a dragon when I blow the smoke out. I can do tricks and stuff when I blow out the smoke. I would show you, but there's currently a 2nd grader staring at me through the gate.