Crumbling Cakes

Part XIII

A/N: This chapter is split into two but the second chapter will be named Part XIV

Monday was filled with restless pacing around town. Taking full advantage of the unseasonably warm day to work out the muddled mush that was taking up residence in my head. Followed by the same pattern I learned to live by.

YMCA—for my cleansing ritual.

Zhou's—with the disappointed sighs and glares of disapproval.

Library—to fill out more applications while I willed my newly reloaded phone to ring with callbacks.

Then more restless pacing in the park when I couldn't bare hiding out in my cement pad.

Every day within the four walls convincing me more and more of its prison vibes; I couldn't take the stark walls mocking me. My mind, on an endless loop, replayed the day before over and over again. Hanging up on the same part like a crinkle in the celluloid.

My attraction to him was relentless. Warring in my head like the energizer bunny banging into the same wall after getting stuck. I couldn't grasp how we'd gone from complete animosity to a level of comfort where we'd grabbed at each other—all in a span of a day. He pinched my ass for fuck's sake, and I liked it. In fact, I may have even wished for a repeat. I wouldn't mind another slap on the little caboose either...

See! Utter nonsense banging around these mental walls, I tell ya.

Worse, I kept snagging on the feel of his finger running up my leg. How it felt being ensnared in his arms as he whispered in my ear. His bossiness seeped into everything, including that. And yet... he made me feel like I had control over all of it. My conflicting emotions were tearing me up and the need to throw caution to the wind was building an impressive amount of momentum. Imagining how it could be only encouraged the forceful waves of desire I had to beat down with a fly swatter. Trying to get it back in its assigned lockbox.

As you can imagine, it was a tiring battle.

When I wasn't fixating on forbidden wants, I wondered how he was doing at the bakery at that moment. I refused to admit that I'd felt a noticeable sting when he hadn't asked me back to join him for round two. The more I dwelled on the lack of invite, the more persistent the sting. But in my heart, I knew that it was all for the best. Any more visual reminders of how incredible he could be would make my sad trodden heart hurl itself at him with a desperate declaration of "Take me! Claim me."

In the midst of this kerfuffle, I wondered if he worried. Was I on his mind for the rest of the evening when we went our separate ways, and in the morning before he started his day. So Monday was an agitating mess and it disturbed me that for once I was eager to get my ass back into the place that mere weeks ago, I wished to burn down. Tempted to play a game I had no right to enjoy or partake in.

I made a mental note to make way for some serious introspection on diffusing my violent needs to burn down a building when it's owner ruffled my feathers. They were quite disturbing and Bathilda I was not. Not that I would ever act on it... I hope. Although setting The Canary ablaze had merit. The Red Harlot's wrath? Not so much.

This ping pong match in my head was a tangled mess that was slowly driving me insane but at the same time, the whole thing was comforting. Despite everything since I've met him, he made me feel comfortable. Safe even. One day had shown me that as much of a hardass Sebastian could be, he had a heart of liquid gold.

A metallic goo that filled the cracks of all that was desperately in need of repair. Leaving everything uniquely beautiful—such was with all that he touched. I knew that there was some good to him from random incidences in the past, but they were so few it was easy to write him off as heartless. A robot void of any real compassion beyond his own personal achievements. Never had I been more wrong about a person. My problem was that I shouldn't be noticing any of this. I should be living in blissful denial of his altruistic ways.