Crumbling Cakes

Part XXXVII (37) *POV Bonus*

All your stars are in view

I get lost loving you - "The Bird", SYML

********

I woke with the sheets curled around me. In fact, I was clinging to them. Given my wrestling match with this modest thread count last night, I found this development fascinating.

I know I fell asleep on the couch sometime before our beloved Medic had met his gut-wrenching end, that much was accurate. The fuzzy piece was how I got in this bed. Vaguely I recall Sebastian coaxing me out of my dreams. Dreams that had surprisingly been enviable seeing how much of a mess my head was while conscious.

The dream was so stupid too; nothing extravagant. A simple shot of me and Sweets doing something boring and normal like normal people got to do. And of course, we were arguing. The tone was more of the teasing variety than malicious and in the waking hours of day, I wished with my whole heart it was an experience I could claim as my own.

Plates, we'd been arguing about plates. I couldn't remember why or what we actually said but I was holding up a plate and we were bickering. See? Stupid.

But there was a peace, a sense of completion between us in that one single moment. I wanted that. I wanted it so badly that my body ached from the strain and the longing. Each nerve trying to break out from their encasement to latch onto his.

Needless to say, after finally finding reprieve, I was not happy about being woken up by the very person who had jump-started my rebellious cells into a downward spiral. He carried me, that much I remember. He carried me and I was very upset with him for disappearing for so long.

There was a part of me that had hoped he'd take me to his bed and not my barren one. Disappointment in finding my own pillow beneath my head, I silently pleaded for him to stay with me instead. He didn't. I can only surmise that him touching my covers is the only reason they remained wrapped around me.

He touched them, therefore they no longer felt suffocating. Perfect rational logic...pffffft, yea right, your threads have frayed beyond repair and it shows.

It didn't really matter. I found the living room empty and silent in the morning light. Sweets was either gone or sleeping. Seeing that his keys were on the kitchen counter, my money was on sleeping. He wasn't getting enough of it so I didn't want to disturb him.

Soundlessly, I got ready and began creeping out of the condo. At the counter I paused, his keys just staring at me. We made promises last night, didn't we? At least I think I made a promise to myself somewhere in there—more words that danced around the edge of conscious reason.

I grabbed the notepad and scribbled out a quick note telling him I was heading out for a bit, but not to worry, I should be back by dinner time. It wasn't until I tucked the pen back into its holder that I realized I signed off with a single x next to my name.

It came so naturally, I hadn't even been aware I'd done it. Swallowing deeply, I stepped back. Leaving my intimacy lying on a cold granite surface. If time was infinite but contingent to gravitational intensity due to mass, then this was the moment where my love for him could live forever.

The further I stepped back the faster my end will come. I couldn't be certain of his feelings for me, or how deep they ran, but I wanted—no needed—him to know where in my heart he lied. This exit wouldn't be my first choice if there was a choice I could realistically make.