When She Falls (She Falls Hard)

Prologue

It was after the third breakup that I started believing in the power of love. Or, well, I guess that isn't really the way to put it. I started believing that when you find the right one, you'll know - like they all say. I guess that's what really got to me. I had given myself to three people I 'loved' and who 'loved' me. But they obviously weren't the right one. After that I vowed to be extra careful about who I get attached to. Which, sadly to say, is harder than it seems.

I always find myself thinking back on those days of the past - when we pledged our love to each other and hugged and kissed and just were together. Back then the future wasn’t even a real thing. All we thought about was the now, the us. At least, that’s all he thought about. He was perfectly content having a woman in his grasp. They all were. Meanwhile I was stewing in my stupid thoughts - the ‘what ifs’ that keep one up all night into the late hours - and wasn’t as happy as I should have been. That was the main reason I got dumped three times, even if the first was partially on me.

See, guys don’t like to talk about the future. They also don’t appreciate girl friends who don’t give them what they want - namely love, affection, and lots of sex. Especially high school guys. The whole lot of them are insensitive pigs. Not to say there aren’t those one-in-a-million boys who will treat a woman like a woman and push through even her hardest times, but let’s be honest, when do those characters actually come around? Only in fiction novels, that’s when. And that is where the whole thing crumbled. No one is completely accepting of those kinds of things, and I over think everything, and nobody can handle it.

I knew that bringing up my fears and insecurities might not be the best decision, but he was my boyfriend and we shared everything. So, I told him what I was thinking. As to be expected he didn’t take it very well. He was out of my life in a heartbeat - said ‘he couldn’t handle someone with attachment problems’. Oh, and this was the second guy. The third wasn’t nearly as nice.

My second relationship lasted the longest out of all of them. And, if I may, each of them could be described as a bowl of porridge from Goldilocks; the first too cold, the second just right, and the third too hot. Yes, I know that isn’t the right order, but whatever. You get my point. The first was super awkward, the second was nearly perfect, and the third had potential, but blew up my face. Just like a hot bowl of porridge. I’d rather not go into details.

All I’m saying, is I’ve had my fair share of terrible relationships. And, to be honest, I completely regret every one of them. But memories can’t be erased. They stick with you up until the day you die - or until you’re too old to even remember what you had for breakfast. If I had it my way, all those memories would vanish in an instant. And, yes, I know people always say God puts us through only the things he believes we can handle and what will make us stronger, but I don’t exactly like being reminded of all of that each and every day. It really messes with my mood. So for now the best I can do is just stop making more of those memories. If I’m not close to anyone, I can’t lose anyone right?

Right?