My Ex (BWWM)✔ (#Wattys2019)

34

"Hi," I said to the receptionist at Reynolds Corporation. She looked at me and gave me a smile. "Is Kevin in?" I asked her. I decided to come see him and make sure he was okay. I shook my head, if he was okay? Kevin was a grown man, he could take care of himself, he managed to take care of himself without me for twelve years. I think I went to see him to make sure I was okay.

All the late nights without sleep were getting irritating. It's not what I wanted, I wanted to be able to sleep, I wanted to be able to move on, I wanted to be able to forget about him, but I couldn't. My brain knew all the right things, it knew what I wanted to do for my good, but my heart wouldn't permit that. My brain and my heart were constantly having a battle and my heart was winning every single time. 

"Yes," she said with a smile, "let me just call him and tell him that you're here," she said picking up her phone. I put my hand up and stopped her, I didn't want to let him know that I was here.

"Can you not call him?" I asked her, she frowned, "please?" I asked her again. She paused for a moment thinking about it. 

"Yes, but just don't get me in trouble," she said. I nodded my head promising that she wouldn't get in trouble. I thanked her and made my way to Kevin's office. I walked the empty hallway, my heart could be heard, that's how hard it was beating. I felt like the Tell-Tale Heart, like I've killed someone and buried them under my floorboard. Except I didn't kill anyone, I was just so nervous about how he would be reacting after seeing me and hearing from me after three weeks.

What if Lucy was lying about him missing me? I could never trust a word Lucy say. She did lie to me for most of my life. I reached Kevin's door debating with myself if I should knock or just turn around and forget about this. Again, my heart won, I knocked on the door. I stood there waiting for his words, waiting for his voice to invite me in. "Come in," I heard after a while.

I sighed and opened the door, I walked to his desk. His head was down too busy looking at his computer. I didn't think he even noticed who showed up at his office. When I reached in front of his desk, he looked up in surprise. "Bri," he said. "I-I," he shuttered to start his sentence. "What are you doing here?" He asked. It wasn't what I was expecting him to say, but I guess I could work with that. "I mean, I'm happy to see you, but I thought you said you needed a break?" He asked.

"Hello to you too," I said taking a seat. He nodded his head, I started to study him, he grew his beard or he hasn't been shaving. It was different than his usual smooth chin, but it looked good on him. I'm convinced everything looks good on him. "What am I doing here?" I asked, "I don't really know," I answered my own question. "But I did sign the divorce papers," I said. I opened my bag and pulled out the yellow envelope. 

I looked at it one last time and handed it over to him. It took some time, but I managed to sign them. It was a hard decision to make, but I had to remind myself that this was just a contract marriage. It wasn't a marriage where he got on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. We were just married for benefits that didn't include being with someone you love. "Oh," he said taking the envelope from my hand. "You came here to give me the divorce papers," he said sounding disappointed. 

"Well," I said. "Yes and I just wanted to check up on you," I added.

"Why?" He asked intertwining his fingers and putting them on his desk. 

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay," I said. 

"I'm okay, are you done with your mission to discover who you are?" He asked.

"I don't think anyone ever knows who they truly are," I said. "I think it's something we learn more of every day," I said. He nodded his head, "so no, my answer is no. I'm never going to finish discovering who I am."

"Mhmm," he said. "I think you've always known who you are. You're Brianna Rose Brown, the big-hearted girl who never gives up on anyone around her," he told me. 

"I'm so much more than that, Kevin," I said. I wanted to be more than that. I wanted to be more than the big-hearted girl. I wanted to be more than just the girl who just cares about others. The problem was I didn't know who I was other than that girl. "I'm just so tired of feeling stupid and people taking advantage of me," I told him. He stood up from his desk and walked over to me. He stood in front of me and put his hand in front of me to grab. I looked at his hand questioning if I should take it or not.

With hesitation, I put my hand in his, he grabbed me making me stand next to him. "I missed you," he said giving me a hug. I hugged him back feeling at home. His scent, the way his body felt against mine, the way his arm wrapped around my body. He pulled away and looked me in the eye. "I know you don't believe my words anymore," he started. "But I wasn't taking advantage of you in high school, I loved you and I still do. I was just stuck in the middle of two worlds, I should have trusted you enough to tell you the truth," he finished. 

"Kev," I called him.

"No," he said. "Let me finish, I should have been honest with you. You trusted me and I abused that. I just hope one day you can learn to forgive me, I don't care if we're together or not, I just don't want you to hate me because I think I hate myself enough for the both of us already."

"Kev," I called him again. "Can we just forget about it?" I asked him. I wanted to move on, but what I was forgetting was that I needed to let go of the past. Let go of all the wrongdoings I endured. Forget about all of it and forgive. "Can we start over?" I asked him. 

He looked at me surprised, "what?" He asked.

"Let's start over," I said. I let go of him and walk around the office, I reached the office and looked down below admiring the view. "I'm tired of holding on things that only cause pain. Let's just move on, forget about what happened in the past. To be honest, it's getting really tiresome," I said. He came and stood next to me looking at the window also. He tapped his nails on the glass slowly. I turned and looked at him, I smiled. 

He turned and smiled also, "hi," he said to me. "I'm Reynolds, Kevin Reynolds," he said. I laughed, that was the same way he introduced himself when we first met. That's why I couldn't stop calling him Reynolds for the rest of the school year. 

"I'm Brown," I replied. "Brianna Brown."

AN

Forgiving is always the best thing.

Holding grudges never fix anything, it just hurts us more.

Choose to forgive the person that might've caused you pain...

Au Revoir...