My Ex (BWWM)✔ (#Wattys2019)

35

Forgiveness is one of those concepts that is hard to achieve but good if achieved. Over the last few days, I found myself questioning my decision to forgive, not that I didn't want to forgive Kevin. I did, I really wanted to forgive him, I really wanted to let go of the past, but the conflicting part was when it came to doing it. Sure, my lips said the words but was my brain acting on the forgiveness, that I did not know. "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more," the television said as I watched The Notebook. 

I put my hand over my heart feeling the words right through my body, I sniffed and let out a deep sigh. I took a spoonful of my chocolate ice cream focusing on the film. I wanted cookies n' cream ice cream, but I forgot to get some at the store. I'm sure the stores were close now, it was Christmas day and everyone should be having dinner with their families.

I decided to spend my day watching romantic, family, and comedy movies. It wasn't my ideal way of spending Christmas, but I'd rather die than spend it with my family especially my sister. Christmas was also hosted at her house this year, the holiday wouldn't be the same without my father and she probably would've spent the whole time talking about how she couldn't wait to spend Christmas at my house. She would say these words despite knowing that it'll never happen and that I live in an apartment. 

I now dreaded the thought of any holiday especially the ones that supposed to be involving family. The times I used to look forward too were now my worst nightmares. I shook my head and tried to get all these thoughts out, I was watching a movie and eating ice cream on Christmas, how pathetic can my life possibly get. 

My ice cream unfortunately finished, I get off the sofa and made my way to the kitchen to get another one. As I searched the fridge, I heard a knock on my door. It had to be the wrong address, I think one of my neighbors was having a Christmas party, I heard music and I heard laughter, it has to be one.  I heard the knock again, I groaned and stomped my feet at why someone wouldn't leave me the fuck alone. I walked to the door and looked at the peek hole to see who it was. There stood the handsome man himself, Kevin. 

Part of me felt relief that he would come here while part of me couldn't help but feel nervous for some odd reason. I sighed and looked down at my outfit, I was in my pajamas. I wondered if I should change, they were my Minnie mouse ones. What thirty year old wears Minnie mouse pajamas? He knocked again, Kevin has seen me in my pajamas multiple times before.

When we were kids, he used to sneak to my house and we would spend half the night on the roof admiring the stars and talking about nonsense. I let out a sigh again and finally opened the door. He stood his hand up in the air about to knock again. "Hi," I told him not fully opening the door so he won't see the mess that was inside the place. 

"Hi," he said back with a smile. "I was starting to think that you didn't want to open the door," he commented. I nodded my head, "can I come in?" He asked me pointing inside the place.

"Um..." I said wondering if I should let him in or not. Sure, my heart was now telling me to open the door and let him in, however, my brain was telling that this was an ungodly hour to have a guy over. In the words of my father, only one thing can happen that late; and that one thing is getting pregnant. "I was kind of hoping to spend the night alone," I said deciding to go with my brain. 

"Come on," he said, "no one should be spending Christmas alone," he was right. I really didn't want to be alone. The more time I spent alone, the more I thought about my pathetic life, my family, and my father. "I have ice cream," he said holding up a bag. I looked at the bag in his hands, he couldn't get me with that. My fridge was full of ice cream, "cooking n' cream," he added. That was when he got me, I smiled and opened the door wide letting him in. 

"I'm only allowing you to stay because of the ice cream," I said as he walked to the living. He suddenly stopped and turned around making me bump into him. 

He chuckled, "I know," he replied. "You're only using me," he joked. "Don't blame you though, ice cream is hotter and sweeter," he added. I laughed and moved away from him. "I'll put it in a bowl," he said. I nodded my head, he turned and made his way to the kitchen. I walked into the living room taking a seat on the exact spot I was seated on five minutes ago. I switched the television knowing Kevin wouldn't want to watch a romantic movie that makes people cry.

I go through the channels until I find one of my pleasing, Disney channel. They were giving Descendants which I loved. Kevin walked to the living room with two bowls, he handed one to me and took a seat beside me but leaving a good amount of distance. I took a spoonful of the treat letting it melt on my tongue. I moaned at the good taste, Kevin turned and stared at me. I raised my eyebrows asking why he was staring at me. 

He shook his head and chuckled, "Mal shouldn't have used the love potion, Ben loved her without it," Kevin commented watching the movie. I turned, I didn't even know he watched television and Disney Channel I might add. "What?" He asked me. "It's a good movie, shows that good always wins over evil and that we don't have to be our parents," he added.

"True," I answered, "just didn't think you watched television," I told him. 

"I do," he replied. "Just not too much, television can teach you a lot, but I believe too much of it can corrupt our minds."

"When did you turn into a philosopher?" I asked him.

"Always been," he replied. 

"Guess I have a lot more to learn about you," I told him. He nodded his head, the movie reached the part where the main character started to regret using the love potion and she started singing. I looked over at Kevin, he seemed lost in the song. 

 A million thoughts in my head
Should I let my heart keep listening?
'Cause up 'til now I've walked the line
Nothing lost but something missing

The song began to play, "Kev," I called him realizing something. He seemed startled by his name being called. "Why aren't you with your family?" I asked him.

"They're not in speaking terms with me," he answered. I felt bad, I couldn't imagine my family not being on speaking terms with me. 

"Did they actually tell you that?" I asked him.

"They didn't have to, I used to speak to my sisters at least three times a week and we haven't spoken to each other for a month now. My dad won't even say anything to me that's not related to business," he said. 

"I'm sorry," I told him. 

"It's fine," he answered. He said it was, but I could see that he was anything but fine. His family was special to him, he spent most of his life trying to please them. When we were younger, he couldn't stop talking about something his dad and him did together over a weekend or what prank him and his sisters played on their parents. 

"You reap what you sow," he said after a while. 

AN

Came back from hell today and I had so many notifications from all of you. Thank you so much for reading my book, voting, and commenting. Some of the comments be killing me, they really do make my day.

So please keep on reading and commenting.

I appreciate Y'all...

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Au Revoir...