It's Been A Long Year; Since We Last Spoke

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Demi’s POV

My mom looked at Dallas like as if she knew Dallas was right.

Because she was.

I didn’t want to take sides, but wasn’t it my decision?

If I wanted to talk to Nick, I will decide that.

I’m far too scared right now.

I’m not fixed yet, I’m still suffering.

I just don’t know if I’m ready yet. I’m worried I will just break down again if I see him even as a glimpse. I don’t want it to end in flames like last time. I want to be able to talk to him civilly without crying my eyes out or clinging on to him.

He needs to get on with his life. If I go back to him, then I’m just holding on to him again, which will mean he won’t move on and will continue looking after me.

I need to look after myself, make myself get better. My bipolar disorder is between me and myself only. He can’t fix me even if he tried.

“Thank you Dallas.” I smiled at her slightly, she smiled weakly back at me.

Then my little sis came into the room, “What’s going on? Is everything okay?” I can see worry in her eyes as she looked at me. Gosh, she looks so much like mom.

“Don’t worry honey, it’s nothing serious. Go back upstairs, dinner’s not quite ready yet.” Mom was keeping her away in case we all starting grabbing each other’s throats.... even though that rarely happens. But I understand she doesn’t want Madison to get upset.

Madison huffed and rolled her eyes, walking back upstairs in her summer dress that I put her in earlier. She was so adorable still sometimes. She carried her teddy bear with her all the time. Okay yeah, she is 10 but still. I remember having some of my cuddly toys until I was 12.

In fact no, I still have one left now.

Yeah I know, I’m a cuddly toy addict. They’re just so fluffy and they make me feel safe somehow.

But they’ve never made me feel as safe as Nick has.

Ugh god why, why did it have to be him?

Why did I have to be crazy about him?

Of all people, it had to be my ex’s brother.

But he’s charming, caring, sweet, gorgeous, intelligent, understanding and everything that I need... but at the same time he’s my past.

Mom then sighed once more. I know she was trying to help, but she wasn’t. I needed to focus on fixing my life before I even thought about fixing my relationships.

“Mom, Dallas is right. I can’t let you decide what’s best for me.”

She looked at me, her mouth twitching into a sad smile. She nodded, “Yeah I know.” She looked down at the floor, looking hopeless.

Oh god why did she always make me feel guilty?

“Don’t be sad mom, it’s just... I’m 19, and I don’t think I’m ready to talk to Nick again. Okay?”

She nodded again, looking at me properly this time. “Okay yeah, you’re right. I can’t control your life. I understand completely.” She gave me a weak smile and brought me into a hug. I hugged her back, still feeling her sadness. I know that she probably is slightly upset, but she really is trying to make me change my mind.

That’s the one thing about mom I would change.

Her persuasive behaviour.

She’s always tried to persuade me to do what she thinks it’s best, and sometimes it really pisses me off. I know she means well, but I don’t think she’s right this time.

“Mom, stop it. I know you’re trying to make me feel guilty... but I’m not budging.”

“I know you’re not. But remember this: don’t feel afraid. It may seem like right now, you’re escaping your past... but you’re not. You’re running from what you need to face. You left Nick heartbroken because he failed to look after you. And even though that’s not your fault, you left treatment and you never said a word to him. You didn’t even drop a text to tell him you’re okay. I’m sorry Demi but I think that was the least you couldn’t have done for him.”

Mom stormed out of the room, leaving me speechless.

What the hell was I supposed to say to that?

Dad and Dallas looked at me with astonishment, completely conflicted the same way I was by what my mother just said.

I finally closed my mouth from just being shocked.

I then frowned and slightly chuckled for a second to myself and shook my head, leaving the house, going through the back entrance.

I heard Dallas shout after me, as I walked away quickly. I couldn’t really run in these boots.

“Demi, wait!”

I didn’t turn around, I just walked... I didn’t really want to speak right now.

“Demi please stop...” She ran right up to me and grabbed my arm, turning me round to face her.

“What is it Dallas? I’m not coming back. I’m tempted to just go out for a while.”

“Look Demi... I’m not going to say mom is right...”

“But?”

“But... is it really true that you haven’t contacted him at all?”

I sighed. I wanted to lie, and say that I had contacted him... but I’m far too scared.

“Yeah, it’s true.”

“Oh Dem... how come?”

“Because I’m too scared. I don’t know what I can say!”

“Well, you don’t have to say much. All you have to do is send him a quick text saying ‘hey I’m alright now... out of treatment’. But instead he has to find out through the tabloids?”

“Look, you don’t know how hard I want to talk to him. But I know I’ll just break down and mess it all up again, just like how I left it. I’m not strong enough to go up to and pretend everything’s fully better, because it’s not.”

“Demi, I know it’s not easy for you... but you need to try and say something to him. You can’t leave him forever. He’s crazy about you, and I know you’re still crazy about him.”

I sighed again for the billionth time, but it came out more like a huff or a groan.

“I know I know... mom’s right once again.”

“Well not completely, but kinda... yeah. But she is wrong to try and pressure you to talk to him straight away. I mean, it’s only been a year and a couple of months since you came out.”

I didn’t want to give in, but maybe mom was right. Have I really been kidding myself this whole time? Am I really this scared that I can’t even send a text? It does seem wrong to let him worry about me all this time. I realised how bad this all was now.

“Oh god you know what? I need to speak to him.”

Dallas’ eyes widened slightly, “Are you sure?”

I nodded, “Yep. I can’t keep leaving it on this hanger... he needs to know I’m getting better.”

“Okay. Well then, should we go back inside?”

I shrugged, “Yeah I guess so.”

So we walked back in and went to find mom.

“Mom?”

We looked around the living room, the bathroom and the dining room. No sign. We both raced upstairs to find her and dad in their bedroom. They were obviously having a conversation about this situation so I cleared my throat to alert them I was outside their door.

Mom and dad looked at us. Mom looked like she had been crying a bit. She looked away from me after a few seconds, staring down at the floor.

“Mom. We need to talk... alone.”