It's Been A Long Year; Since We Last Spoke

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Demi's POV

Another day of filming... it is even more serious and scary today.

The fact that everybody is going to watch this in a few weeks, it feels weird that I am admitting that I have quite recently cut myself and purged since treatment.

I mean yeah, it is good I have let it out... but I still hate this feeling of guilt, the fact that I HAVE purged and cut myself SINCE I LEFT TREATMENT.

That's not what I want to tell my fans.

I want them to be proud of me, not feel ashamed.

But at the same time, it feels good that I'm letting them know that they're not alone.

It's good that even though I'm still trying to stay strong, at least my fans can feel that they're not the only ones who suffer, meaning they will feel less bad about themselves... and just learn to accept that it's okay to be unhappy. And when I say okay, it's actually quite normal. You can't help being depressed if you're not the one who made yourself like that. If you have a reason to be unhappy, then you need to face it.

But that's what I believe anyway.

I love them all so much and to be honest... I don't think they realise how much they mean to me and how much they have helped me.

I nearly wanted to die, and they stopped that.

I mean I never really thought about suicide, but I knew that if I had cut myself too far then I would not have cared. I would have just stared at it, and let it kill me slowly.

But I don't want to feel like that anymore. No, I want to be healthy and happy.

And with my friends, family and fans by my side... I will literally rise like a skyscraper, away from all the shame, hate and misery.

From now on I can't let people get me down, because I know they're just jealous of my success and want to make me miserable because they're miserable themselves.

Anyway, aside the whole documentary thing... I am having real trouble trying to get the kiss out of my head. I can't stop thinking about it now that I know it's the problem.

Well, I've always known it was the problem, but it's become more clear... knowing that I can't see him yet otherwise I may just break down again.

I've also noticed mom has been more worried about me than usual, which confuses me slightly since I have been a lot better than I was. I mean I'm not feeling amazing, but I'm feeling good.

So why is she worrying?

Has she got something on her mind?

Is she planning something?

It sounds strange, but it really feels like she's hiding something from me...

and she never hides anything from me.

Well, I may as well ask her when I get back to the family home.

I am currently staying with my parents for the time bing because of filming the documentary. It seems much easier, considering the treatment centre isn't far from here.

I get in my land rover car, and plug the keys in the ignition. I wave to everyone goodnight from the studio as I began moving the car out of my parking space.

I decide to put the radio on.

When funnily enough, Nick came on.

I want to turn it off, but I can't straight away.