Maybe you need me....

Chapter fourty

For a few seconds we only looked into each other's eyes while his thumbs were softly gracing the skin at my jawline. I honestly didn't know what he meant, I just was overly happy that he was willing to give us another try.

Ask what he meant, dammit!!!

„What is all or nothing?"

Damn, that sounds stupid....

„Quit your job, sell your house, move in here...." He answered instantly and I furrowed my eyebrows in surprise. „an nothin'? The exact opposite.... you can go on with whatever you're doin'..."

„But?" I asked when he didn't talk on and he shrugged.

„But you won't have me."

Honestly, I didn't even have to think for a second what I wanted, but I knew that we first had to clear some things between us so the potential of breaking up would be minimized.

„Do you really need an answer?" He shrugged again, but couldn't really hide the small which curled at the corners of his lips. „You'll get one when we've talked about a few things, okay?"

„What you wanna talk bout? Chris, I told you what I want an I won't move a fuckin' millimeter from that...."

„I know and I'm okay with that." I cutted him off. „But there're still other things, you know?"

„Like what?"

„Well, do I have to completely leave my business or just stop with the bookings? What is with my stuff from my house? I'd still want to go on vacation with Nai and not just here in Detroit an..." I swallowed and took a deep breath to say the next thing. „Do you still want kids with me? An....."

„Chris...." He tried to cut in but I shook my head.

„We have to talk about this, Marshall. I can't give you what you want in this matter and I'm afraid you'll maybe leave me because of that and then, I don't even know if you could forgive me what I did. I just...."

„I've already forgiven you, babe! I'm just mad, you know?!"

I smiled unwillingly about his sentences. In the back of my mind I'd known that he must've forgiven me already, otherwise he couldn't muster the strength to even look at me and hearing him calling me babe again felt all too good.

„What's that smile fo'?"

„Babe? You've already forgiven me?" He shrugged in slight embarrassment and pressed his lips into a thin line.

„It was either that or cuttin' you off, you know?! I really tried, cause I was so fuckin' pissed but then Nickle explained your way of thinkin', hell, even Martha got into it..." he chuckled shortly. „There was no gettin' away from you, Chris." my smile grew wider. „Whatever decision you made, I know you're a good woman at heart, you know?!"

„It's good to hear that." I admitted and he released my face and instead took my hands in his.

„These pics...." he nodded his head to the rag behind us, „are there for a long time. I told ya once that I need you an..... that's why I'll leave that baby thing. You're probably turnin' your whole fuckin' life upside down fo' me, so I gotta compromise too, you know?!"

„But you would want to have kids, right?!" I asked with a mixture of sadness and caution and he shrugged.

That's not good....

„I'm a weird fucker, you know?! I know I'm probably too old to have another one, but havin' a woman I love, that made me open up an really put my fuckin' life in her hands....it's.... really it's just feelin' safe, you know?! Knowin' that you'll never leave me completely."