weak (jenzie.)

five

hayden

*trigger warning*

"where are we going", i asked my best friend carson lueders as he leads me into an alleyway.

"i told you", carson said. "we're going to hang with mark and jacob."

"no like where are we",  i added emphasis to the word "where"

"you'll see", he smirked at me as we turned another corner and the streets looked worse than it did before.

discarded beer bottles and cigarettes. loads of candy and gum wrappers. soda cans.

it was a whole trashcan.

i distinctly saw two figures that carson and i were nearing and i came to realize that they were jacob and mark, carson's new buddies.

it's not that i was jealous or anything, it's just carson and i don't hang out much thanks to them and it was about time i met them. you know, to see why carson's so interested in them.

okay. pause. before you make assumptions, it's not like that. we're friends. f-r-i-e-n-d-s. it's none of that "harson for life" bullshit.

anyway, we finally approach them after what seemed like hours of walking. carson greets them with a handshake and then introduces me.

we make small talk until jacob pulls out a box of cigarettes. he passes the box to mark and he grabs one before passing it to carson. my eyes widen when he takes one.

it all makes sense. carson leaving five minutes before lunch, wearing an excessive amount of cologne, coming to school with eye bags and sleeping in class all the time.

he had been taking drugs behind my back. i can't believe that he didn't think to even mention it to me, his best friend since preschool. not third grade, not sixth grade, and not kindergarten, but preschool!

i was snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of carson calling my name. "hayden here", he handed me the box of cigarettes and i almost panicked. he was basically forcing me to smoke.

not knowing what to do, i grabbed a cigarette and mark lit it up for me.

my hands shook as i brought the cigarette up to my lips and i swear, i felt sweat drip from my forehead.

and not wanting to seem like a baby, i quickly inhaled the smoke and felt it fill my lungs.

i knew my life would be changed forever when i realized that it felt good. for once, i didn't feel all the pain and stress i usually do.

i felt happy.

-

"yo, pass the joint bro", i said to mark who had just finished taking a puff. he passed it to me and i closed my eyes as i inhaled the marijuana that filled the rolled up dollar bill.

it's been a year since the cigarette incident and now carson, jacob, mark, and i were best friends. and honestly, it's the best thing that ever happened to me in my life.

"dudes! i got the stuff", jacob called out as he ran towards us with something clutched in his palm.

and before we go on, yes, we were in the alleyway where i first met them. it became our hangout spot now.

anyway, we walked into the abandoned warehouse that was located in the alley and he set the thing that he was holding, on a table.

it was a bottle of pills. more specifically, cocaine.

he dumped out the bottle and in a swift motion, i handed him my credit card which he used to smash the pills into a powder.

he handed me a straw and knelt down by the table and stuck the straw into the powder.

i held one nostril close as i used the other to snort the cocaine. once again, i had this familiar sensation, freedom. when i was done with snorting a line, i wiped the nostril filled with cocaine and moved aside to let the other guys go.

suddenly, my phone vibrated and the feeling i had no so long ago, was gone.

i pulled out my phone in frustration and saw that my mom was texting me

mom - HAYDEN! where are you?!

me - mom chill, i'm with the guys. i'll be there in a few

mom - no! get your ass home now !!

i rolled my eyes before typing a response.

me - fine.

"dudes. i got to go. my mom is being a pain in the ass right now", i grabbed my stuff and made my way to the door as the guys said a quick "goodbye".

-

before going home, i decided to make one quick stop. i took a turn a block away from my house which led me into once again, another alleyway.

i saw a black figure standing in the distance and i approached him.

"you the man i'm looking for?", the guy asked me

"yeah. you got the stuff?", i replied

he nodded as he shoved his hands into his pocket and pulled out a bag. i did the same but instead pulled out five hundred dollars from my pockets.

we exchanged items and i mumbled a "thanks" before running all the way home.

i managed to hide the bag and tried to look and smell decent before walking into my house.

"hayden!", i jumped back startled before realizing it was my mother that had said my name. "care to explain why five hundred dollars is missing from my bank account?"

well, i'm in deep shit.

"oh, i um brought three pairs of sneakers at the mall today with the boys", i shrugged and clutched onto my backpack.

"then where are they?", she crossed her arms.

"i keep them at mark's. i didn't want sparky to chew them up when he comes here with brec to see dylan" i said nonchalantly.

"i'll just go up to my room," i said and before she could respond, i ran up the stairs into my bedroom and locked the door.

i unzipped my bag and grabbed the bag that the man gave me. i dumped it out on my bedside table. it was another bottle of pills, but this time, it was heroin.

again, i poured out the bottle and used my credit card to smash them into a powder.

i placed some of the white substance into the needle i pulled out from the draw and poured a small amount of sterile water into the needle as well. i shook it up to mix it.

after that was done, i grabbed the needle and stuck it in my veins.

as the liquid filled my veins, i was relieved once again. so relieved that i decided to do it again.

i created another mixture and this time, as it filled my veins, i started to feel dizzy. that's when the banging on my door started.

without thinking, i panicked and threw everything off of my bedside table and walked over to the door.

but just as i unlocked it, everything went black.

-

author's note

hey guys. i'm so sorry for not posting over the weekends like i promised. but on the bright side, i have hayden's part up. i did a bunch of research so that's why it took so long. i'm truly sorry. and sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes. i tried my best.

-via xo