Terra

Empty Connection Part 3

As we pretty much just stared at each other somewhere in my mind I recognized that I feel more comfortable around him than Cade or Tessa. I felt like he had always been a part of my life. Almost like a parental figure that I had lost 11 years before. Even when I was practically climbing across him cleaning away dirt or shells on his body. When Cemetery Wind showed up and when one of the soldiers were ordered to kill Tessa leading to Optimus revealing himself, I froze. I wanted to race after you three, my instincts about guns and safety kicking in but I couldn't move to follow.

I felt fear race through me, not because of the guns or because of you three but it was truly that I was afraid to be separated from Optimus. Despite the situation, when he grabbed and transformed around me, I felt a comforting peace fall over me. Like I just knew he would protect me. Usually in a situation like that, although I haven't been in many, my mind goes into overdrive looking for ways out or how I can use the environment to my advantage, etcetera. While in Optimus's alternate form my mind was calm. I just can't understand why. I hadn't ever felt that kind of peace with my parents."

I paused in my storytelling to collect my thoughts and to look at everyone. Bee was watching me with such an intensity, it made me feel like he knows. Like he knows what it is that I'm feeling. "I just felt like I could trust you 4 when we all met up, I originally had believed that was because I recognized you as Autobots but now I think it had something to do with Optimus being your leader. Like many of my actions or reactions were influenced by him. Later on, when Optimus was attacked by Lockdown following Galvatron and Stinger's attack, I was torn between protecting Tessa or staying within Optimus's protection.

That's how I ended up near his spark and how I ended up falling against his spark once we got onto Lockdown's ship. I think, now that I think back, my feeling of protection and like being in the presence of my father really became noticeable to me. When I ended up falling out of my hiding spot, I could instantly tell that I was trapped in a dangerous situation. I truly felt my blood run cold when Lockdown picked me up, taking me away from Optimus. Fear settled into my heart as we headed away from the cells. My crying turned to fearful screams, begging for Optimus to save me.

Once I had blacked out from being experimented on, I was returned to that cage. When I woke up my mind was trapped between the chaos and a haze. Optimus's voice was able to break through when you three showed up and you freed me Drift I felt protected, but it wasn't until I was in Optimus's hand that I felt safe." "Is that why you questioned why you were different?" Crosshairs asked before I could continue. "I was hoping that his response would give me the answer to why I felt such a strong connection with him. I didn't get that answer, but I really did appreciate what I did get.

I ended up blocking the subconscious desire to be under Optimus's protection when we got to Hong Kong we fell out of the ship. There my mind instantly shifted to needing to protect and survive. Things didn't start to shift back mentally until we left Tessa and Shane. That's when you would have started to notice my change. When Optimus said that he was going to take the seed away and find your creator, I didn't want him to leave." I paused and blinked away the surprise of my voice cracking and the tears that were starting to form.

I couldn't stop the shutter of a sob from escaping. "As I had watched Optimus disappear from my sight I felt a twinge, some sort of emotion that I had to push away for the time being. After we left Tessa, it was only at night that I would allow myself to think about that particular feeling I had. It was about a month later that I figured out that what I am feeling now is the same as when I lost my parents. And that is why I'm confused.

How can I have the same feeling of losing my parents with Optimus when I barely know him. The more I question it the less I seem to understand. Then I start thinking of how long he would be gone. Will it only be a few years, or will it be my lifetime and the longer he is gone the farther he is from m-us. When my mind got to that realization I felt something snap. I just felt..."

I froze, struggling for the right word. I looked over to see that the bots were in a silent discussion. I looked to Cade hoping that the word I was looking for would show itself. It seemed that it did the moment the bots finished their discussion. I looked up to Bee's face to see him focused on me, concern resting in his eyes. "I just felt..." I paused again, realizing that my wording was still wrong. I tried once again, this time with it being right.

"I just feel- empty."