ᴋᴍᴛᴛᴘ | ғᴀᴄᴋ

38 ☜

saturday, January 22nd, 2018.

-jack-

i woke up to my mom knocking softly on my door, i must've slept with it locked. "jack? finn's on the home phone for you," she said, i slowly lifted myself up and shuffled over to my door to unlock it.

"morning," i said, grabbing the phone from my mom. i shut the door and sat back down on my bed. "hey finnie," i said, tiredly.

"they- they're getting s-so loud, jack," finn whispered, and once he did, i didn't feel so relaxed.
"finn, what's going on?" i asked, stress built up in my chest.

"I'm evil?" he asked, but it almost didn't sound like a question. "no, you aren't. stop. I'm coming over," i said, i put him on speaker phone and began to slip on my shoes, as i was doing so, i could hear his heavy breathing.

"stop it, you're gonna be okay. you're gonna be okay," i reassured him, but maybe i was doing it for myself. "a-am i?" he asked, i nodded my head but then remembered he couldn't see me.

"yes, I'm gonna be there real quick," i said. my anxiety made me feel nauseous, i wanted to take my medicine but i knew i didn't have time. i grabbed my phone, making sure finn was still on the line and quickly headed over to his house.

when i got to Finn's, i heard screaming from inside. i swiftly climbed up to Finn's window, which was unlocked. i pulled the window opened and hopped inside, finn was curled up on his bed.

"i-i can't listen-" finn sobbed, "t-to them like t-this anymore."

"Oh my fucking god! how do you not see it? he's an awful fucking person! being gay is wrong! finn's always been an off person but this is it!" Steve screamed, Finn's mom cried.

"how often do they do this?" i asked, finn sniffled and sat up. "too often."

"c'mon, let's leave," I offered, I reached out my hand to grab but he declined. "i-i can't leave... if he comes in here and I-I'm not here, I'll be dead for not letting him where I'm going," he shook his head as he spoke, I sighed and sat down on his bed next to him and reached for his hand again. "give," i said. finn placed his hand on mine and i comfortingly squeezed it. "i don't think you're bad," I said.

finn broke out into sobs, i could feel his hand shaking in mine. "you aren't awful and being gay isn't wrong, it's just... people don't know how to react to it so they choose the easiest emotion, anger. people lash out, Steve is small minded and he's upset, i hope you understand that loving me isn't wrong. love is love, you can't control how you feel," i cooed, finn continued to cry. when he calmed down, he took a shaky breath and began to speak.

"sometimes i-i wish i wasn't gay, maybe I wouldn't hate m-myself as much," he stuttered, i let go of his hand and thought for a moment about what he just said. "sometimes i-i wish i wasn't gay, maybe i wouldn't hate m-myself as much,"  is it wrong that this hurts me?

"don't say that,"I told him, "don't you dare say that."

"why? it's true. don't y-you want me to be honest w-with you?" he asked, i felt feelings i'd never felt before. "not when it hurts me!" i yelled, finn scooted away from me instinctively. "you have to consider my feelings! I love you, and if i couldn't love you anymore... that would break my heart!" i shouted.

"y-you think i haven't? i consider h-how you feel all the t-time! you d-don't know what it f-feels like to b-be hated by all and accepted by none," finn said, slowly. "are you fucking serious? when did i become no one? when did wyatt become no one? when did all of your fucking friends, who accept you, become no one? you're being selfish," I yelled. finn started to hyperventilate and cry, i let him.

"g-get t-the-he f-fuck ou-t!" finn screamed, he shoved me off of his bed, while doing so, i saw bruises on his neck, wrists, and arms.  "finn..." now i understand. "what happened before I came over...?" i asked slowly, finn continued to sob but he had calmed down a bit. i reached out to grab his hand but he pulled away, "i-i de-deserve it," he choked, "f-from s-steve, f-from sop-hia, fr-om m-my mom, from y-you," he held in a sob, "fro-from m-me."

I jumped back on his bed and held him close to my chest, he tried to pull away for a while but eventually, he gave in. finn rested his head on my chest, i could feel his breathing slow down to a low, small, rhythmic pattern. he was asleep.