Gone

Finding Her

I saw her fragile, lifeless pale figure swaying before me. The rope marks around her neck were the only colour that her body held, besides how blue her lips were. I stood there frozen; my mind was not able to process what was before me.

The cold hard rain pelted down onto me, making me cold to my core. I sunk to the ground on my knees, No tears escaped my eyes, no emotions flowed through my body, no sadness or loss. All I felt was emptiness corrupting my whole being.

I was so confused. I stayed there on my knees; my jeans began to dampen, my knees slowly sinking into the ground. My eyes were stuck on her, I couldn't move them. I took no notice of the horrified screams around me; I didn't take any notice of the thunder rumbling in the sky, and the only thing I could hear was my own heartbeat.

Where hers should have been.

This couldn't be happening, none of it could be. I kept repeating to my self that it wasn't real, I'm having a nightmare, it can't be real. But no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it wasn't real, it was the realest thing I had ever seen.

The realisation took me by surprise as the first of many heart-wrenching sobs escaped my throat. I was absolutely saturated from the rain, the thunder in the distance, hurt, the lighting that flashed every so often, illuminating her figure even more, casting a shadow toward me made me scared.

As she hung there, her body making no movements, except for the slight sway that the wind produced. Her chequered plaid top was covering her beautiful body, three buttons undone near the top. Her favourite pair of faded black jeans, the ones that had the rips all the way down her slender legs. The converses covering her feet. Her lips a pale blue, all of the colour drained from her face and her body.

Her gorgeous long brown hair, cascading over her shoulder, was dripping wet and tangled by her side. Her vibrant blue eyes were closed, her mouth was slightly ajar. The ground beneath her was once dirt, now mud. The chair lay fallen and the rope, the rope had me petrified, a simple plain, common brown rope, was tied around her neck and was tied to the tree above, I hated this rope, it took her life.

Yet all the pain and sorrow I was feeling every time I looked at her I could only find one word to describe her, that word was peaceful, I couldn't help but think that she looked peaceful.

I saw the paramedics beginning to approach her, suddenly all of the muscles in my body began to work again, I ran to her as fast as my legs would carry me, when I reached her I wasn't tall enough to get her down by myself, I stood the chair upright and grasped for the pocket knife that was attached to my belt, I clicked it open and started cutting at the rope, I grabbed her around her waist, trying not to notice how cold she was.

I wasn't ready for when she fell, I lost my balance and tumbled to ground landing in the soft mud, she landed on top of me, as I began to sit up, I cradled her in my arms, rocking her back and forth whispering that she was going to be ok, that she was fine. I moved the hair out of her eyes and kissed her on the forehead.

I held her in a tight embrace, I let all my emotions flow freely as I held her, my tears mixed with rain, both streaming down my face. I screamed into the night, all the while I kept repeating to myself that she couldn't be gone; she wasn't gone, not now, not ever. I stopped screaming and I grasped her cold lifeless hand in mine, as I turned her arm I could see the scars that reside there, the thin white lines that marked her body.

Over the scars, cuts were visible, clasped together with dry metallic crimson. How could I be so oblivious, so blind, how could I not notice, not see how much she was hurting. I thought out of everyone she knew, she would have told me, I thought I knew her the best, but apparently I didn't. No one did; no one but her.

I sat her up in my arms as I kissed every inch of her cold, emotionless face, I kissed her arms making sure my lips pressed against every scar and cut I could see. I rested my face in her wet brown hair as I spoke words of regret and sorrow, begging for her forgiveness, as I was too blind not to notice the pain she carried every day, before it was too late.

I held her hand in mine as the people started to gather, looking upon me with sympathy, pity and disgust. I didn't care what they thought of me, not now. Not at my biggest point of weakness. The sobs passed through my chest as the whimpers escaped my mouth.

My tears flowed freely, every time I wiped them, they returned just as fast.