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Dear Jimin
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
I don't know what's wrong. I don't know why I did it. I had stopped drinking a long time ago and yesterday it just happened again. I couldn't control myself anymore, I just had to drink so I could cloud my mind.
I thought so much this past week. I thought about so many things and I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't cope, I couldn't even control what I wanted to think about.
All the thoughts just sickened my mind and I wanted to have a break, you know?
Seeing all that alcohol and no-one stopping me was enough for me to binge drink until I vomit my heart and soul out.
Literally, right after I finished the letter I ran to the toilet, preventing the puke to land on the carpet or on the floor. The fact that I ran into the bathroom where you had been laying in just made everything worse and I found myself on the floor this morning. My shirt drenched in fluid vomit and my head killing me with the worst hangover I have ever experienced in my life.
Due to the lack of food and water I must have passed out.
I felt horrible, Jimin. I felt terrific.
And the worst about the whole shit is that I hoped I would have died. I wished I would have kept my eyes closed for the rest of the eternity.
I was so scared as I woke up. I was scared because I didn't know where I was. I was scared because I thought I had woken up from a bad dream. I was scared because I hoped the reality was just a fucking nightmare.
But it isn't.
I actually drank until I blacked out. I actually puked. I actually cried.
You are in fact gone. Still gone and you always will.
I cried so much, Jimin. I'm still crying. I'm crying while writing this bullshit.
I didn't even clean myself up nor the bathroom. I feel so miserable.
Why aren't you here? Why did you leave me, Jimin? Why aren't you here to comfort me?
I hate everything. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate this world.
