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Dear Whoever's Reading
Hoseok came to Namjoon's house today. Came to visit me. And sadly his visit was an emotional one.
I was just done. Done from what had happened, done from all the shit Seokjin told me, still hurting because of the fact that Jimin cheated on me.
So the moment I opened the door for Hoseok I was bawling, my view blurry and my shoulders shaking. Welcoming arms were wrapped around my body and when I felt his shoulder against my face I hugged him back.
Hoseok was my oldest friend. Apart from Jimin I felt the most comfortable with Hoseok. And just like he had hugged me years ago he hugged me today.
Thank God I found some control. I gathered my feelings rather quickly and we decided to watch a movie. After being together in quietness I found it in me to talk again.
* * *
„How are you doing?"
„Good." he sighed with a deep breath. „Living, you know."
„Mhm.. same."
„Can I ask why you cried?"
"Oh.. Well, I learned a lot about Jimin the last couple of days and.. ah, it just gets to me."
"What do you mean?"
I lifted up my head, looking into his eyes. "He cheated on me." I then murmured.
His eyes widened slightly, his mouth falling open. "What..?" he whispered, as if he didn't want to believe what I said. But I just nodded, knowing he had understood me.
"I know. It's unbelievable. He cheated on me with Jungkook."
"Jungkookie?!"
"Yes. I still can't believe it. It feels like I'm having a nightmare. Every day I just hope to wake up. Or I just wish to stay asleep forever."
"What would you do if you saw him again?"
"Who..? Jimin?"
"Mhm."
"I don't know.. Say hi? I really can't tell you. But I'll cry for sure."
"We all would, hyung." Slowly he came closer to me, laying an arm around my shoulder. "What else is bothering you?"
"Ah, just some stuff Jin had told me two days ago."
"What did he say?"
"Fuck, if I knew. He said something like it was my fault that our circle of friends were ruined. I have no fucking clue what he means."
"Ah, I see.. That is really weird. I never noticed that our friendship was ruined, haha."
"Right? And all of a sudden everything's my fault. I can't fucking deal with it."
"Mhm.."
"I don't even know why Jimin cheated on me. Like, what the fuck did I do? Or what did I not do? Wasn't I enough? Did he ever love me? What crossed his mind?"
"There is no point in lingering on the negativities, hyung."
"I have to until I find out who killed him, Hobi. Otherwise I can't find peace."
"But isn't it tiring, hyung? I can tell you haven't slept in days and you are always thinking about all those negative thoughts. Try to get a rest."
"I can't just 'forget' that Jimin isn't here anymore. And sorry, but you can't expect somebody to be fine when they found out their loved one was murdered."
"You are right, Yoongi. But.. don't forget yourself in this process, okay? I'm sure Jimin won't approve of your current state."
"He can't do anything about it, can he? I bet he doesn't care anyways."
It was then when Hoseok let out a deep breath, retrieving his arm from my shoulder. He noticed I needed some space right now.
"I just want you to know that I'm here for you."
"Thank you, Hoseok. But I don't want to bother you with more problems. You have enough yourself. How is it working with your depression?"
"Nothing really changed. My therapist said it takes some time to recover. It was a quite engraving event anyway. Jimin's death just a few weeks later shocked me more. It's just so difficult to forget."
"Understandable. I know you are strong. You'll get the hang of it."
"Thank you, Yoongi."
"Anyways, let's make food, hm?"
"Sure."
* * *
The day wasn't eventful. But there was something that made me thoughtful. Why was Hoseok the only one trying to convince me to take a rest? Everyone else is just trying to push me further or throw accusations against my head. Why not Hoseok?
Because he is trying to prevent me to find out who killed Jimin? Did he..? Or was is Taehyung after all? Or was it Namjoon? I never really thought about it.. And Seokjin? He knows so much. Where did he get all this information from? Did he just kill Jimin? What about Jungkook? What would be his reason?
