Dark Alley

Chapter 27

     "I can see you are already getting closer with the twins," she tells me. I realized she doesn't have to see me to know I am near. I was hiding on her back until she said it; I sat on the chair facing her. We faced each other.

     I stayed silent until I decided to talk.

     "Tell me the truth Tracy," I tell her, "what do you really think of me?" My tone lowers, me myself couldn’t believe it was my voice. i sound mature - mature as in ready to accept what she says.

     "The truth?" She raises her chest up to blow a big breath, "is that I am crazy - for being crazy jealous of you."

     "Jealous?" I repeated. I try to think of the meaning of the word jealous. Does she think of me as her competetion? "You mean, you're jealous of me because I'm talking with the twins?"

     "Yes, no, a little bit? It's not just about the twins it's about dad."

     "What does Calvim have to do with me, I'm just his experiment."

     "Exactly, you are his experiment. That's why I never had dad's attention," she pauses, I am still trying to figure out what she means or what she's trying to tell me, I knew she was serious when she started crying. "I tried to be the best daughter ever but even how much I tried he still wouldn't feel anything - because all his life he has feelings for you. I mean you have a connection with him. I couldn't even remember a single happy moment when I'm with my dad. You have all his attention that sometimes I think he loves you more than me, his true daughter."

     "He hated me especially when the scandal happened," she says, I feel guilty for knowing about it earlier, I feel guiltier when Tracy Harrison started crying. "He quickly forgot he has a daughter and started ignoring me. All his time, his life was focused on you - and even when we haven't met yet I already hated you because it feels like you're stealing dad's time."

      "My jealousy stopped when I met my real friends," she says, still snoring.

     "Q and R?" I guessed.

     She nodded, "when I met them I felt casual, I started forgetting about how much you have Calvin and I started talking back to Calvin like a normal sarcastic teenager. The twins, they taught me a lot, they taught me twenty and more different swear words," she chuckled, "and they made me realize that my life doesn't only have to circle around stressing myself over you and my dad."

     "No offense to everything I said, because that was just before Foster. It became different when I met you, I realized why Calvin has to exert so much time on you that me," she says, "it's because you're extraordinary, and even I can sense your aura of being the outcast. I pity you sometimes Foster and that's why you suddenly became my inspiration of conquering this sick world."

     "Really?" I cannot believe she's telling me these stuffs.

     "But with Q and R," she says, "they're different. I kind of admit you bring back my jealousy from you when you started talking to them. You started keeping secrets like I always used to do with them." She pauses. "I don't want that to happen, and if ever it will, I want to be with you, the four of us. I want to be a part of your change Foster; I also want to protect you from those twins really because they might teach you the things they taught me. Your naivety makes me guilty for thinking of your death when we haven't met. I regret it."

     "It's okay, it's just that when I first met you I really sensed something like that," I lied. When I first met her, I see her as Maricriss, I see her beautiful eyes. I never saw her bad impression on me. "Tracy I never knew what I felt when I saw you. It was like what the popular girl felt when she saw the nerd in the movie." That part, I promise was not a lie.

     "I'm forever grounded Foster," she says," she says, "so if you're telling that you have feelings for me then stop it because you are close to perfection and immortality. You don't deserve a person like me. That's why don't ever tell that goddamn four letter word to me."

     I nodded. Her rejection hurts, I don't know why. But I'm sure I will still die in naivety - but then I hope not.

     I remember that story about the girl with the long hair trapped inside the castle. It was like me. But the bird who was trapped in a fancier cage. I realized it was Tracy. Even though she's living in a ten times big cabin or almost living in luxury, I can feel that all she ever wanted is to be normal, to be appreciated. Until Q and R came, she learned to adapt things by seeing other people's perspectives.

     Tracy wipes her tears off as we heard the bell rang. I look back at her tray. Untouched. "I have to go Foster."

     I stayed in the cafeteria for an hour, there was not a single student found anymore except for me. I'm sure I'll be late for History, but it didn't matter. Tracy was right, I'm just an experiment. No one owns me, not even my parents, but the Calvin does. He exerted so much time for me that he forgot about Tracy. So does that mean I have to cooperate on the things he wants me to do? Because if not, I'll be wasting his time, that time that was supposed to be spent on Tracy.