Damaged And Worthless.

Chapter 5

It's Sunday already and i'm all packed up ready to move to my new flat,  I'm so excited but at the same time i am sad to be leaving my babies. Richard has been his normal self as always, the snide remarks and belittling any chance he gets, i try ever so hard not to bite back at him because there is no point. I will be free of him and his comments this time tomorrow, and he'll just turn anything i say to him against me at some point. 

The week has been rough with nightmares about him, I can't bring self to name him but i have to explain my self so i will this once. He's my demon that haunts my dreams of late, He's gone now thank god but it doesn't stop the nightmares. His names Dennis and it's thanks to my darling mother who brought him it my life. She met him just before Mia had her second relapse, He was a family friend. How i will never know but there you have it, it just goes to show you never truly know some people. Thats what i thought any way until i found out at a later date  that my mum was aware that he had a past, and not a good one either. I found out that he had sexually assaulted his own daughter and had served time for it. People tell me she was a wear of it but still she saw fit to bring him into our family. I will never understand why, being a mother my self i would kill before i let that kind of man or human near my kids. Yet my mum not only brought him into our lives but after Mia passed she had a set of twins with him and then my youngest brother a few years later. While they were together he was a bully and even hit her on more than one occasion, not to mention she caught him in my bed one time before the twins where born. That night i thought i was in so much trouble and yet hopeful that now she had caught him in my bed with me in it she would see what was happening to me. But no my prayers was not answered that night, he just told my mum that i need cuddles because i was up set about Mia, and she just accepted it hook line and sinker. I wanted to shout out and tell her that he was doing nasty and painful things to me, but i was weak and scared that i would lose my mummy and not be loved or worse believed. I mean he's an adult and i was just a little girl hurting after the lose of her sister, he had convinced me that no one would believe me and i would end up all alone in a children's home. As an adult now i can see he was bullying me and playing on my insacuraties of being a lone and unloved and covering his own tracts, but when your young and trusting as many children are you believe what ever you are told. My mum finally kicked him out when i was 15 because he had beater he up yet again, but this time it was a step to far for her finally and the police was involved. I had already left him at that time to get away from him and the abuse, i went to stay at a friends from school. I had been admitted to hospital with server head aches and muscle pain and was kept in for a week to under go tests and to be watched. Mum didn't come to see me in hospital but Dennis did, he said mum was to busy and up set to come see me. He would come ever day playing the caring step dad but it was to make sure i didn't talk to the socail worker that had been assigned to my case. While in hospital i found the cur rage to say i didn't want to go home but i couldn't tell them about Dennis. I just said i wasn't happy and me and my mum was not getting on. Thankfully they said as long as i could go and stay with a responsable person it should be ok, they checked my friends parents out and as long as they were ok with me staying with them then i could. I no these days things would be done differantly but i thank my luckily starts back then that i could just get away from Dennis. No one pushed me for my real reason and i no it up set my mum but even she never asked me what the real reason i left was. I would still see her and my brothers but i would see them away from the house and away from him. It was after she had finally got rid of him and with her new man that things finally came out, by this time i was expecting Grace  and had moved into my own home with Richard.

I can remember that day so clearly, my mum called to say that my brother had lashed out at one of our step sibblings from her new man. She  said Adam had slapped and threatened Tess Marks second eldest daughter. Mark was her new fella at the time and he had three kids of his own, two girls and a young boy. Any way mum wanted me to go over to talk to Adam as he had said something odd. When i asked her what it was she said he had said he has a secret that he can't tell any one, but he had asked to talk to me. Thankfully that day Richard had agreed to drive me over with out much convinceing for a change. When i go there i took Adam into a quiet room to talk to him and find out what had caused him to lash out like that, normally he is so laid back and takes things in his stride. Something had obversley up set him to make him lash out, Adam and i are very close because i had helped my mum with his feeds because having twins meant you needed two pairs of hands. So i have sat him down and looked at him, he couldn't look me in the eye and he was so restless bless him, We sat quietly for a while, just letting the time pass and allowing him to find his voice. And then he opened his mouth and what came out will change my like forever.