Chasing Fire

A Cup That Overflows - Part 8

The view was breathtaking even though Noralee was anxious about being up so high. She had had a fear of heights since she was five and her misguided Father tried to help her get over her fear. They were visiting some family in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania and went sightseeing in the city. She was so young she had forgot the name of the skyscraper they went to the top observation deck, but she had never forgotten it. The wind was blowing harder at the top and it took her favorite Easter hat over the side of the building and she watched it float away into the street. It made her upset and she became afraid the wind would lift her up and carry her away, as well. The height was dizzying and she imagined herself falling to the ground below.

"I want to go home." She protested as her Mother and Father wanted to stay and enjoy the view.

"Come on Noralee. Face you fear." Her Father, Randy, scooped her up and leaned her over the side of the building, kicking and screaming. He almost lost his grip on her and she almost fell over the side.

In an instant, her Mother had her hands on her and cradled her away from him. "Really, Randy. That is so dangerous! She is not a soldier. She is a little girl."

"You keep coddling her like that Louise and she will be afraid of her own shadow." Her Father was a no nonsense Marine and always expected her to be brave. Noralee always thought he wanted a son instead of a daughter.

It was night and day, the difference between her parents. She grew up in a world of fire and ice. Mother was sweet, but prone to temper tantrums at a whim. Her parent constantly fought and miraculously, they were still together after twenty-five years. Noralee always wondered why? They were always at each other's throats. She spent most of her childhood afraid they would divorce and wishing they would divorce. In the end, Noralee realized some people were born to fight and it didn't matter about what, either. Nothing made them happier than having a nice heated row. Noralee was so mismatched with the selection of parents God had given her, she planned to tell Him when she made it to heaven or at least she hoped she would make it. She was a peaceful person and would go out of her way to avoid a confrontation and maybe that was why she was such a pushover with her friends. Always giving more and getting less from them. She was the one they called when they needed a dependable Maid of Honor or a designated driver when they went out. The term always a Bridesmaid never a Bride came up a lot in her mind. She had twenty-five Bridesmaid dresses in her closet. All of her friends were already married or getting married. It was depressing and she pushed the sad thoughts away. This beautiful landscape was no place for them. The fresh air and all the pristine beauty demanded a peaceful state of mind.

"You seem a little sad?" Bear was intrinsically picking up on her difference in mood and she had no idea how he could be privy to her thoughts.

"I'm ok. Just sweeping up some careless memories from the corners. I have to remind myself frequently not to think about certain things." His arms around her waist were a sweet distraction from the pesky thoughts intent on ruining her mood.

"I have a good cure for the moody blues. Let's go climb higher." He was pulling her toward the forest.

She pulled away, "Let's not. I hate heights.  I am serious. I have acrophobia. I get scared climbing up on a chair to reach into the high cabinets in the kitchen."

"Acrophobia, huh? I guess you know it is an irrational fear of heights. Something, with time and patience you can get over." He wasn't pushing her and the gentle look on his face said he sincerely wanted to help her get over her fear.

"I know it sounds irrational, but to me it is rational. Big height, long fall. The end. Finito forever. Dirt nap." She looked up at the tall trees and imagined herself falling from the top hitting every branch on the way down. "No thanks."

He thought carefully for a minute and she could see him calculating in his head how to propose his idea to her. He was energetic, he even thought, with motion engaged to his constantly running motor of a mind. "What if we climb a very small amount at a time.  Sit for a while and get comfortable.  I don't want you to fall either, or you will definitely not want to climb trees again."

"I don't think so Bear. It doesn't sound like something I even want to try." She was getting nervous just thinking about not having her feet on the ground.

"Noralee, do you trust me?" It was a simple and fair question he presented to her gently as he held her arms and made her look into his eyes. They were a pure shade of blue, like a tropical lagoon and full of natural, complete compassion for her fear. They made her feel oddly tranquil inside.

"I do trust you." She wasn't lying. There was something about his busy capableness that made her think she could depend on him.

"I feel like you have spent most of your life not feeling safe or having confidence in yourself. This is making you live a life half fulfilled and you probably always feel like something is missing. If you trust me, I can help you live your life to the fullest, the way it was meant to lived. A cup that is never empty and overflows." He was smart, perceptive and intellectual, despite his wild appearance. Behind those quick, restless eyes was a great mind, a perceptive thinker with a reflective mind that embraced compassion and understanding on a deep level.

She thought for a minute and realized he had pretty much summed up her whole life experience in three sentences. "I think you are right. I have been afraid of everything and when I do try to get out of my comfort zone, like this crazy trip, something very wrong happens and I kick myself for trying and not listening to myself."

"But you never had the right guide before now." He pressed his palms around her face gently, "I will be there with you every step, every branch and when you look down, I will be there." He had such sweetness in his voice that she became very calm again and looking into the two placid, tranquil blue lagoons he had for eyes.

"I will try. I can't make any promises how high I can go up, but please don't let me fall." It was easy to trust him. He was so confident and sure in himself, the total opposite of her.

"I will never let you fall, Noralee. Never." He gave her a gentle hug, "If you trust me, I can show you how to find your wildest dreams."