In this room filed with people I am still alone, a hand full of pills I took one and held it on my tongue taking in someone else spit from a liquor filled kiss.
Why was I such a mistake? Why couldn’t I be more like Matt even though he was no better he wasn’t a spitting image of a alcoholic , no one is perfect but there’s at least something close to it.
There had to be something better then forgetting were you were and what happened last night and catching a train at 3:00 in the morning, I know there is more to life then black out’s and sex with strangers I’m lucky to have a friend like Matt until I messed that up too.
At first it was fun, then you realize your waking up in the clothes you wore last night then you begin to hate everything and everyone, the sun light hurts, crying does too, keeping it bottled up insides is worse.
Last night I slept in my own bed and stared at my own ceiling for once, I needed the alone time to clear my head but the only thing I could think about was Lucas and Emily and finally telling Alex and everyone else what I've been hiding for so long.
Being stuck in between a guy that doesn’t even realize I’m there and a guy that really cares wasn't making it any easier.
Was it time to face my fears like Lucas said or maybe I should add another lock to the closet door I was hiding behind regardless I would have to tell my sister and my mom.
I walked to school alone it was the first time in a long time that I didn’t hear a story about who Emily had slept with the night before or the music from her earphones blasting out of the speakers.
I had just realized Senior Prom was soon and that I didn’t have a date it wasn't like I was going to have one anyway, but I didn’t even have a tux the announcements were on the PA system when I walked through the doors.
I saw posters on the walls and people asking each other out later that day at gym I found Emily in her usual spot in her usual mood.
“Are you going to prom?” I decide to ask her that way we will be alone but at least we have each other.
“I Haven’t really thought about prom since all of the stuff that’s been going on lately.” She opened her eyes from relaxing to her music to engage in the silly question.
“I was thinking the same thing it slipped my mind, but we are Seniors.” I smiled wondering if she would smile back.
“Why aren’t you going with what’s his face that guy your always hanging around now.” She mumbled.
“Because Lucas didn’t ask me, And I’m asking you… Do you want to go to prom with me?”
“Yeah... I’ll go.” She said motionlessly.
“Okay, Well I’m going to the locker room to change.” She plugged her earphones back in before she could hear me but I was satisfied with her answer there was one last thing to do before I ended my senior year.
Lucas wasn’t paying me one bit of attention after our talk in the hall but that was least of my concern Alex was already in the locker room and was one of the last to change.
“Hey Alex...” My heart droped down to my stomach, it felt empty and I have never felt more nervous.
“Hey matt, how‘s it going?” He sang while folding his clothes up.
“Um, I’m okay I’ll be better when I get something off my chest.”
“Oh really what?” He smiled like he was all ears, I took a deep breath and took a step closer.
“Alex, we've know each for a while right.”
“Yeah, back when we played kick ball behind your house we had a lot of fun.. Em, Jess you I remember I had a huge crush on your sister. ” He laughed reminiscing.
“Right... I remember, but for some time now I have had this unexplainable feeling towards you.
“What do you mean? Is it like you want to tell me something but can't remember what it is you want to say?
"No not like that.." I could feel my stomach turning.
“Then what, come on were going to be late let’s walk and talk.”
“No, because what I’m about to tell you I think you might want to sit down for.”
“Dude your kind of making me nervous, if you have something to tell me then go ahead and tell me.” The dramatic pause set in as I stared at him I had a choice I could turn around and never tell him or I could get it over with once and for all.
“Look, I don’t want to be even more late for gym then I already am so let me know when you want to tell me, what ever it is you want to tell me.” He picked up his towl and head for the door.
“I like you.” My heart skipped a beat and I was stiff as a statue he then stopped and looked back.
"I like you too man were friends, we grew up together and…”
“Alex I like you, more then a friend.."
“ What, like brothers?” He chuckled still confused.
“Alex… I’m gay.” Awkward silence entered the room but I couldn’t keep it inside any longer it was to late to turn back now.
“Hold on Matt what are you trying to say? How long have you felt this way more importantly how long have you been gay? I'm really confused.
“I think I have always been this way and I have always had these feelings, I just didn’t know what they meant I tried so hard to make myself believe that I was straight, that I liked girl’s but this is something I can’t change.”
“I don’t know why you like me though out of all people I’m not the best choice.” He took a seat on the bench next to his neatly folded cloths.
“I actually feel bad, I feel like this is my fault in a way there are plenty of better guys, what do you want from me exactly because as you can pretty much tell… I’m not gay” He let out a big sigh.
"I don’t want anything, telling you this might seem pointless but I just wanted you to know and I wanted to know how you would feel about it and nobody should ever hide there feelings and that's what I've been this whole time.”
"Matt I don’t know what to say, I’m flattered yes, but I have a girlfriend and yeah theres me being straight thing…”
“I know it was just a statement that I needed to make” I wiped the sweat on my hands off on my pants.
“Well I’m going to try to make it to gym this was a interesting talk, but I’ll see you later and remember what I said there is someone better then me for you just wait.” He patted me on the head and the door closed behind him.
I was numb my heart started beating at a regular pace when he left the locker room, after school I went home and replayed the conversation in my head again and again I finally told him but the storm wasn’t clear yet.
YOU ARE READING
Concealed
Teen FictionA High School boy in love with his childhood crush wants nothing more but to tell him how he feels but being the shy person he is has waited til the last minute and has obstacle in his way.
