Amezona one shots

So many feelings (part 1/2)

Arizona had just gotten the news about Bailey having a heart attack. She was sad that her friend hadn't told her about it but then she thought about that she hadn't even told Ben about it so she was not furious she was just sad.
"What's the problem?" Amelia asked as Arizona came into the attendings' lounge looking annoyed
"I just heard from Bailey that she had a heart attack"
"Oh yeah Maggie told me. I'm so sorry for her"
"She is my friend and she didn't tell me?" Arizona sighed
"I can imagine you must feel sad and scared are you okay?" Amelia asked
"Yeah" Arizona sighed
"To me she's a collegue and not so much a friend but she's strong so she'll get through it" Amelia tried to explain and Arizona nodded. And then there were silence for a while.
"Change of subject. How do you feel?" Arizona wanted to change the subject.
"Good" Amelia said and got a weird look on her face.
"What's wrong?" Arizona could see that something was bothering Amelia.
"Do you think I've changed?" Amelia's voice was shaky.
Arizona thought about what to say because she was scared to hurt Amelia.
"You're less tense and your mood is better or more peaceful" Arizona said.
"Thank you for answering honestly because neither Mer or Maggie have had the courage to tell me" Amelia sighed.
"Why are you asking?" .
"I don't know how to say it because it's going to sound extremely inapropriate".
"Try me" Arizona gave a shy smile.
"I might have feelings for you" Amelia said and Arizona was shocked she didn't know how to react.
"Amelia thanks for telling but I just I don't know how to handle this I'm sorry. It's just I just" Arizona stuttered.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have said anything I'm an idiot you're with Carina and I'm a jerk".
"You're not a jerk you are just honest which is great. And no Carina and I broke up because I need some space.
"Okay" Amelia mumbled.
"Look everything I do I screw it up I actually manage to screw everything up. So you don't want to be with me" Arizona said
."How?" Amelia asked.
"Callie was amazing I loved her but I cheated on her twice which is so stupid and then I behaved like a bastard when I lost my leg".
"Of course you did. I mean we didn't know each other back then but you had ptsd you lost a leg that's pretty serious. You didn't get the help you needed Arizona you deserved better."
"I never thought of it that way thanks" Arizona smiled a bit.
"I know you're hurt that she's getting married to Penny but don't let it bring you down because you're stronger than that" Amelia said. she had heard the news from Meredith that Callie and Penny was getting married.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you that. You have feelings for me and I'm a jerk" Arizona apologized.
"You're not. You are just very hurt"
"I just need space but I care about you"
"Just take the time you need" Amelia hugged Arizona and she went out of the room as a surgeon came into the room.

Arizona couldn't stop thinking about what Amelia had told her. Arizona felt the same way about Amelia but she was too scared to tell her because she was scared that it would go wrong as it did with Callie. She still missed her and the engagement between Callie and Penny had made it worse.

"All I want to do is to kiss her" Arizona told April as they sat eating dinner in the cafeteria before they had to go to perform surgery together.
"You really have feeling for her, huh? why don't you ask her on a date?"
"I'm just scared"
"Don't be. Amelia is right. Just because Callie is getting married you don't have to be scared"
"We should go now" Arizona tried to avoid the subject and so they went into the OR and after a few hours they were done with the operation and they both went home.

On the way home Arizona could't stop thinking about Amelia because there was so many things she wanted to tell her about how she felt so she drove to Amelia's house.

"Oh hi Arizona" Amelia opened the door she was surprised that she had shown up at the front porch.
"Is someone else in there?" Arizona asked.
"Mer is at work and Maggie went to bed early because she needs to get up early and the kids are asleep" She said "You want to come inside?" She asked.
"No, yes maybe. No it's fine" Arizona sighed and Amelia could see that Arizona was annoyed or something annoyed her "Where is it coming from Amelia? I mean I've always seen you as a sexy and smart woman and straight I never thought you would think I was attractive. And now you do and I'm just" Arizona's voice shaked.

"What?" Amelia was nervous to hear what the end of Arizona's sentence was.
"I'm relieved. Because I find you attractive too and all I want to do now is kiss you because I want to" Arizona's voice was still shaky and she went silent for a while "I need space. I mean I know who I am but I need to figure out what I am. I haven't had a break from dating in a really long time and dating is great but I just need space and I need to be free and so do you and maybe we'll find each other again because I love you" Arizona sighed
"You love me?"
"As a friend and I also don't want to ruin that"
"I understand" Amelia was sad to hear what Arizona said
"I want you and I need you but I need space and I'm sorry"
"Me too" Amelia didn't know what to say
"And I'm scared that I'll lose you" Arizona admitted that the thing she was most afraid of was to lose her. She stepped closer to Amelia and kissed her gently. The kiss was a bit awkward and rushed but Arizona couldn't stop herself.
"I don't know what to say Arizona I care about you too and I'm happy the feeling is mutual but if you're not ready then what are you here for?" Amelia asked and she was confused by the kiss because Arizona clearly wasnt ready for a relationship so what did the kiss mean?.
"To tell you that I really care about you but I'm just not ready" Arizona sighed
"Okay" Amelia nodded and Arizona left.

"What's wrong?" Maggie had woken up and was on her way back from the toilet as Amelia closed the front dopr
"Did you hear it?" Amelia asked with a tear in the eye.
"No not really but what was she doing here so late?" Maggie asked wondering
"Nothing" Amelia sighed
"Don't do that. Don't hide secrets from me. What happened Amelia?" Maggie begged her because she was scared that Amelia was hiding something
"I might have........... No I have feelings for her and she just came to say that she needed space because she needed some time to rethink her life or something. And then she just kissed me out of nowhere. But she said no and why is that bothering me? I mean it' s just a crush. Everyone has a crush right? I'm just......" Amelia sighed
"I just want to fight for her and get her to be with me. Is that strange I mean I've never really found girls attractive" Amelia stuttered
"Maybe it is a crush and maybe it's not only time can show." Maggie tried to be supportive
"No it's not weird." Maggie hugged Amelia tightly