After Forever (a Twilight Saga fanfiction: 10 years after Breaking Dawn)

14 ∘ Dead (BPOV)

September 18th, 2016

Everything was moving in slow motion. After the main details of the wedding was given from Renesmee, Alice completely took over. She didn't want any distractions, and Ness gladly handed her the power. Jacob couldn't care less, as long as she was happy.

I was the same way, but there was definitely another reason why I was happy Alice took the reins. I wasn't mentally able to help. My mother was still here.

Charlie let her stay with him in my old room while Sue was visiting her mom in Maine for three weeks. He called Edward to keep us informed.

She apparently liked being in Forks now. She felt closer to her lost daughter.

If only she knew her daughter wasn't actually lost. Just the part that was still connected to her... The human part.

I hadn't heard her voice in over ten years. I was still in shock after four days. I barely talked to anyone. I hadn't shown affection to Edward or Nessie since then. Something I had never done, so everyone definitely knew something was wrong.

I hadn't even fed since the six-hour hunting trip with Emmett, although I didn't really get much then, either. I just wanted some time away from Forks.

I knew Edward wouldn't let me go alone, and Em was the least emotional person in this family. I knew he wouldn't constantly ask me if I was okay or if I wanted to talk about it, so that's why he was the one I wanted to accompany me. Of course he cared about me, he just didn't like to show it too much, which I appreciated.

After we got home, I laid back down on the couch that I was on before we left. I hadn't moved at all since, and it's been almost a week. All I did was stare and breathe. It was seriously concerning for everyone.

"Bella?" Edward slowly came over to me. "Are you sure you don't wanna come to the cottage with me? You'd have a lot more privacy over there. You can read some books, or get a change of clothes."

Different clothes sounded nice. But I didn't think I could move.

I felt like an invalid. I didn't want to do this to my family. Especially Jasper, who could feel absolutely anything I was feeling. Which also meant Edward could.

I turned over to my other side so I could face him. Taking a deep breath, I sightly nodded at him.

He smiled, but I wasn't moving. Turning over took too much out of me, and I knew I couldn't do much else.

It was crazy how different mental health was compared to physicality. As a vampire, I usually felt like I could do anything. But not since Renée showed up. I was drained. It overpowered me.

He got the message, and carried me himself. I was grateful.

He took his time walking to our cottage. It took me time to compose myself before I finally spoke.

"I'm sorry."

"What? Why?"

"I know this can't be easy on you. Any of you. Seeing me like this. I don't mean to be so..." I trailed off, trying to find the right word.

"So?"

"Dead," I told him. "So dead."

He sighed. "No one is upset at you for being sad, Bella. You're allowed to act how you feel. Everyone understands."

I knew that was true. They all had loved ones they left behind when their human lives ended.

I guess I had it easiest, in a way. I still had my father after I changed. The rest of the Cullens didn't get that. They just disappeared. I had no right to act the way I was.

It's not like my mother died. It was the opposite. She showed up. It was me. I was the one who died. In her eyes, at least.

And no matter how much I wanted to change that, I couldn't. Ever.

"What do we do?"

"What do you want to do? It's your mom."

"I'm not the only one in this family, Edward. It's not just up to me."

"Hey." He put me down on our bed and sat next to me. "Talk to me. I can tell you're debating with yourself on something. What is it?"

"I can't."

"You can. You need to. You can't keep yourself in the dark. It's killing you. You think I don't notice these things, but I do. Bella, let me help you." His voice was sad, which made me feel even worse.

"If I say it out loud, I won't be able to take it back. Just let it go."

He stayed still for a few minutes, and sighed. "Okay. I'm not gonna force you to tell me... Just know that you can." He stood and lifted my legs to turn me so I was laying down, then kissed my forehead before leaving the room.