The Sun and The Moon

Chapter Six

"Ella?" Ginny's voice sounded quiet through the phone.

"Hey, Ginny," I said.

"Want to go shopping in Montreal tomorrow? I want to get some baby stuff and Renee is... well, you know, Renee. I'd rather go with you," Ginny said and I laughed.

"Sure," I said.

"Okay, I'll pick you up around ten?"

"Sounds great," I said.

"Are you going to the Coug again tonight?"

"Probably not... Paul's mom invited me for dinner," I said. I could practically hear Ginny's fist pump. I don't know why everyone was so obsessed with Paul and I, but for some reason they were.

"Oh, okay. Well, I'll see you in the morning," she said and hung up. I rolled my eyes. I walked to Paul's, hands in my pockets. The wind stung my cheeks, but I hoped it would blow away all my confusion. I wanted to feel sure of something, for once. When I got there, Marmee opened the door.

"Ella, my darling, come in!" She swung the door wide and I could practically see the heat escaping. I pushed the shut quickly behind me.

"I don't think Paul is here, but you can come in anyway," she said.

"Marmee, I'm here!" Paul called. I tried not to laugh. She was getting worse. I entered the living room, where Paul sat with Kelly in his lap. Kelly was just three and adoreable. Rachel, on the other hand was a pain. The last time I had seen her, Kelly had just been born.

"Hi," I said to Paul and he smiled at me.

"Ella!" Rachel exclaimed and wrapped me in a hug. I put a hand on her back, but looked at Paul over her shoulder. His smile widened. When Tabitha came out the kitchen, her face lit up to see me. She pulled me into a hug and I squeezed her tightly back, closing my eyes and breathing deeply. She was familiar, she felt like home. I had known Tabitha as long as I'd known anything, and I had missed her.

"Tabby," I whispered. She held the back of my head and kissed my cheek before pulling away.

"I'm making lasagna," she said, and turned back to the kitchen. I saw her wipe a tear out of the corner of her eye. I was overcome with guilt. I had done this. I was the one that left. How did I not see that before? How did I do that to all these people? My eyes stung and I looked for an escape.

"I'll be right back," I mumbled, ducking down the hall. At first I had been heading for the bathroom but when I saw Paul's partially open door, I stepped through it instead. His room was so familar, so the same as I remembered. I sat on the foot of his bed and looked at everything. I began to notice subtle changes... a new computer chair, a framed photo of him and Kelly, Luckas was missing. I couldn't control the tears yet, so I just let them flow down my cheeks in hot streams. I watched the damp spots appear on his bedspread as they splashed. After a few minutes, Paul came in. He knelt down in front of me.

"Ella," he whispered. He held my hips, looking up at me, searching for an explanation.

"I'm so sorry," I said, and a sob escaped my throat. I slid onto the floor next to him, burrying my face in his neck and clenching his back. I felt my body shake. He held me tightly, closely. He was warm and firm. I felt like a puddle.

"Baby angel, what's going on?" he asked, stroking my hair.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Paul," I cried.

"For what? What are you talking about?" He pulled back, trying to look at my face. I wiped roughly at my eyes.

"I can't believe I did this... I can't believe I left everyone, I never came back, I never called, nothing! And I acted like you guys were the ones with a problem. I had no idea I was capable of hurting so many people," I said. He cupped my face in his hands and I closed my eyes. Three more fat tears sipped out and he brushed them away with his thumbs. He kissed both my eyes and then my lips. The kiss was wet and salty, but loving and comforting.