My Demons

WASTE

My life's slowly wasting away and all I can do's just sit and stare.
Slowly burning to ashes and I'm right in the middle burning in flames.
You see I'm not one to speak up but honestly I'm struggling, hurting, it feels like I'm being skinned alive
My thoughts don't feel right anymore
It feels like I'm someone else on the inside, like there's a constant battle between who I am, who I'm becoming and who I want to be.
It's exhausting.
I wake up every morning feeling like I can't keep up anymore, to the point where it feels like suicide is my way out.
And honestly, I don't know anymore.
I don't know what is right or wrong, it's like I'm lost in a completely strange dimension.
I look in the mirror and all see is death, sorrow and darkness
And it feels like it's never gonna be alright, nothing would ever change.
I don't think I can hold on anymore, I don't think any of this is worth it.
What's my purpose anyway?
Why do we exist?
I keep wondering why I would go through all this and eventually die.
Was I born only to die of shame and sorrow?
Were we all just born to die?
And I have to live through every single day hearing "everything's gonna be alright".
Is it really?
'Cause I don't feel like it would.
It's sickening.
It's like there's this black hole within that sucks out every positivity in me.
It makes me feel like the world's biggest loser
Am I really?
'Cause it feels like I am.
Do I feel like death right now?
Of course I do.
Tell me, how do I make this go away.
How do I convince myself they're just harmless thoughts.
I constantly feel insecure, like there's someone out there tryna get me
That I might never live to see the next day 'nd the sick part is I actually wish not to.
But what do I get, days of torture and nightmares.
Pretending that I'm alright
That everything is fine
And you see people out there thinking that you're living an amazing life.
What's it's like to be in my shoes right now?
HELL
I don't think there's anything worse than the way I feel currently which everyone I know is oblivious to.
And yet they wonder why I'm so strange, quiet and weird
Like it's something I could easily explain.
Or something that could be fixed in a matter of seconds.
You wouldn't last in my shoes for one day, not that I'm underestimating your abilities but because we weren't made to fit in the same shoes
My burden might out weigh yours or yours mine depending on our capabilities.
My problems truly outweigh's my capability.

I'm sick
My body's slowly giving up
Wittering away
My mind's running outta control
My soul becoming as dark as the galaxy.
What is light without darkness?
Nothing.
I look out my window and all I see's the seven sins.
Wrapped up to make up a selfish world.
Life itself is slowly dying
Nothing feels right
Not the way it used to anyway.
I just sit and wonder why we're made to live, love, suffer and die.
What's the point of life itself? Why do I have to struggle through only to die.
Why do I have to keep wondering who I'd become only to end up dead eventually.
And they expect you to be happy?
What's the point of happiness when it's only delaying pain.
I honestly do not understand
Why do I feel like there's nothing left for me anymore
Just like the red Sea I've been altered.
Made to believe there's a point in this, in life itself
But not anymore
I've seen the truth.
This is just one hell of a selfish world.