clandestine.

two.

another day. another dead body in my trunk. this job just keeps getting more and more dirty by the minute. I make sure the back of the car looks clean before i get in the driver's seat and turn on the ignition.

if anyone saw me at mornings, they'd think i'm a sucker for my jeep, and they aren't wrong. But i'm also a sucker for not getting caught. in order to make sure i never will, i have to clean my lover every other day to hide traces of blood and the smell of drugs and alcohol that fill it on the daily.

i'll be driving through the deserts of arizona today, to meet someone to get more information about the next mission, and get some fuel and cash for the ride. my brothers with me on this one, in case we need to fasten the speed of getting things done.

"you know you don't have to blame his disappearance on yourself, luke" he spoke, breaking the decade of silence i wish was never broken.

i don't want to talk about this. Jack. thinking about him being gone gives me the same gut feeling i used to get when dad come home at night a little later than usual. that gut feeling that makes me regret every bad choice i made. the same gut feeling i had when dad told mom to leave, promising her we would have fun.

that gut feeling that k n o w s when my heart is going to ache. when i need to draw myself away from the crowd before my reputation gets ruined by my excessive need to let my rage out.

i can't make you think i have feelings. that's when i lose the game. that's when i go back to hiding behind your back pretending everything is going to be okay after a few hits and punches. it was n e v e r okay.

I loosened my grip on the steering wheel and kept a straight face at the road ahead of me. "I know," and with that i started another awkward silence that felt like forever, until we reached our next destination.

i wait jack to shake the guys' hand while i look around to make sure the area's safe before taking my turn introducing myself the same way he did.

"luke hemmings? you're off this mission."

"what?" my mind starts racing, i have never been off a mission for the past 3 weeks straight. I have never had time alone to think about him. and i want it to stay that way. I want to feel the thrill ignoring all my emotions like they never existed.

.

"you must be mistaken." i look the guy straight in the eyes. he had the most serious face on. no signs of a possibly mistake. no signs of a joke.

"you're directed to be at the club tonight, to supervise a dealing that will take place later today and make sure nothing goes wrong." i still wait for further instructions. no kill? no beating someone up?

"that's it? i'm babysitting?" i look up at him again, he's still holding that serious face that i'm starting to hate.

"oh, yeah. one more thing." he looked at his sheet of orders, i'm assuming, praying i get some kind of murderous assignment. kill the bastard. shoot some bitch. i'm so close to getting on my knees and begging for something. anything..

please.

"you aren't allowed to carry your weapons inside. that's about it" he closed the notebook, throwing it in his tinted car.

fuck.

I looked over at jack, who to my surprise, wasn't surprised at all. he shrugged at me, as if his eyes are telling me we saw this coming. i didn't see anything coming. i love what i do. and i do it the best.

"what if something goes wrong?" i look up at the man again, hands tucked in my pockets. if my voice wasn't raspy from how tired i am, i would probably sound like a kid begging with hope for a good answer.