Unknown Silence {D.Gray-man}

~13~

Updated version 6/11/2023. Enjoy!

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"Remind me to lecture Road when we get back," Allen stated, rubbing his temple as groans filled the room around them. Men and women alike were lying on beds, injured and in pain.

Allen narrowed his eyes taking in what the Order has become. All these people, all these lives suffering for the sole gain of getting him back and using his power against the Noah? He couldn't believe that this was actually happening.

"Komui was right."

Nephew. We can't do anything to help them.

"Nea is right, little one."

Allen watched as the injured withered in pain and he was powerless to do anything about it. As he walked passed the wounded patients, asleep and withering in pain on the beds, he came across two who he was assigned to save. Kanda who was trailing closely behind him saw the state of his friends. His eyes glared at the bandages around their limbs.

Lenalee and Lavi were heavily wounded.

"What happened to cause such injuries?" Allen asked, quietly. He could feel his body begin to shake, unnoticed at first but the shaking became noticeable. His heart started to beat faster as his breathing started to come out as harsh pants.

"Was this because of me? Were they punished for my mistakes?" Allen started to panic. Eyes wide in and clouded. "Why...why do I always harm those around me. Why are the ones who want to help me always end up gone?" Allen found it harder and harder to breathe, his ears were ringing so loudly he had to cover them. Kanda moved fast as he watched Allen drown deeper in panic.

Allen dropped to his knees, clutching a hand over his chest as he continued to breathe harshly. Kanda quickly fell down to his knees in front of Allen, placing his hands on both sides of his face.

"Why is it always me? Please, someone, tell me. Why?" Allen cried, his eyes still unfocused and cloudy.

"Allen! Listen to me!" Kanda started. "This isn't your fault! This was never your fault!" Allen ignored Kanda's words.

"I...can't breathe..."

Fuck!

"Listen to my voice. Breathe with me. Yes like that...in for four out for four...that's it." Kanda was vaguely familiar with panic attacks, so he knew how to help. He asked if he could tough Allen. The other nodded. Kanda grabbed Allens' hand, placing it on his chest, allowing the other to feel his steady heartbeat and follow along.

"Feel my heart Moyashi, that's it. Breathe in...hold...then out."

Allen continued until his breathing became normal again. He slumped forward against Kanda, feeling both exhausted and drained. Kanda threw an arm around him, pulling him in closer. Allen nosed his neck, breathing in the smell of forest and spice.

"You...?" Kanda paused, wanting to ask if Allen was okay, but he didn't know if he should.

"M'fine," Allen slurred out. Nuzzling into Kandas' shoulder. "Thank you."

Kanda let out a sigh, playing with Allens' hair, and rubbing gentle circles. He felt Allen slowly relax against him.

"Tim, I need you to take Allen back through Roads' door. I'll grab Lenalee and Lavi. Make sure he's safe." Kanda pet the small golden golem, which nuzzled gently against Kanda's cheek. Tim enlarged himself and grabbed Allen, who whimpered from the loss.

"Hey, it's okay. Timcanpy is just going to get you through the door, okay? I'll be there in a moment." Kanda brushed a strand out of Allens face, cupping his cheek gently.