The Hooded Girl

Chapter 12: Truths and Lies

tw: depression & suicide

NEWT'S POV
Rhea pushes past me and then dashes off, so fast that I can't even grab her and pull her back.

There's a silence for a while before Quill clears her throat and speaks up.

"She first got stung when she went into the Maze. The four of us were all part of the first batch. She was the only one who dared to go in the Maze. Once the doors had opened, she ran in. Came back with a sting. We found a syringe with blue liquid and injected her with it. Called it the Changing, like y'all did.

"After that, she was more careful. We weren't, though. Every time a Griever would attack, she'll sacrifice herself for us, always getting stung. She's gone through the Changing at twelve times. And she hasn't gone insane."

"Whatever she sees in her Changings, she doesn't say. She takes a day to recover and after that, she's fine and as mysterious as ever," Sonya says, and there's a haunted look in her eyes which makes me think she's seen more than she would like to.

There's a moment of silence for us to take that in.

"I'm going to go look for her," Aris says after a minute or two.

"No need. She's just outside, sitting on the rock," Jorge says, walking in, looking around at us warily. "I'd be careful around her if I were y'all. She isn't very... honest or loyal. She only serves one person. Herself."

I run a hand through my hair and walk out of the shed. Immediately, I spot Rhea on the rock, her right arm slung on her raised knee, staring at the building in front of her.

I walk up to the rock and sit next to her, squinting my eyes because the sun is so bright and I don't want sand in my eyes.

"Hey," I say softly.

Rhea glances at me, releasing a shaky breath. "The worst part? I couldn't even kill myself, and no one would do it for me," She says, a slight tremor to her voice. "They didn't understand. How could they? They thought life was the beauty of life. But it isn't. Neither is it death, nor hate or love. None of those. My memories were painful, and every time I resurfaced, it was like part of me was torn out. I wanted it to end."

I run a hand through my hair, feeling a lump in my throat. I knew that feeling. I've had the same thoughts running through my head. When I finally find my voice, I can't help but speak the truth.

"You're shucking amazing you know that?" I say, and she turns to me suddenly in what can only be surprise. I go on, "I had a Friend-Alby. Leader of the Glade. He went through the Changing towards the end, and when we went to battle the Grievers, he jumped straight into that bloody hole. Got torn apart. The fact that you didn't go through that after so many bloody Changings..." I shake my head.

She turns her head and I catch a glimpse of her blue eyes. "There were times I wanted to kill myself. But... there are the girls here who need me, whether they know it or not. They'll need me. And I tried to kill myself once. Harriet... she saw me and brought me to the meds. I survived. Barely."

I choke. "You tried to kill yourself?"

Rhea glances down at her hands, holding them up, and when I look at her pale fingers, I realise with a start that they're shaking. "I did. I don't even know if I regret trying, because how can I hope for anything better when the world looks like this?" She gestures vaguely around.