The Hooded Girl

Chapter 14: Loyalties

RHEA'S POV
Night time is the worst, when everyone is asleep. I want to sleep. Sleeping at night has always been a bit of an issue for me, because I just can't sleep without waking up four hours later, breathless and panting and reeling from nightmares.

I think of what Quill had said earlier, how Newt was attracted to me. I can't find it in me to believe her. How could someone like him, like someone like me? I don't want to even entertain the thought.

I stand up and walk out of the cave, heading to a dark area, clear from the sight of anyone. I sit down, legs brought up to my chest, my hands wrapped around them. I begin to rock back and forth. In my head, I hear the screams of the girls back from the Forest. I start shaking. The screams are the worst. A reminder of failure.

Then I feel someone next to me. How long I've been like this, I don't know. All I know is that Newt has put his arm around my shoulders and that my face is wet with tears.

Newt pulls me to him and holds me there. I realise that I'm shivering a little, and that he is so warm. I lean into him, seeking more of his warmth.

"It's okay," Newt says in a whisper. "It's okay. What were you thinking about?"

"Do you remember their screams?" I ask, my voice so soft I'm not even sure if he can hear me. "I remember. I remember every last one of them. Is it fair that I do and others don't?"

Newt sighs and I bury my head in the crook of his neck. "I do. Alby's, Gally's, Ben's. Everyone's. I think about them all the time."

"They'll never stop screaming in my head. And their faces..." I shake my head. "When we came out of the Maze, Talia was there. In a hood. She threw a knife at me. A Friend of mine, she was only thirteen, saved me. I remember her scream and her face. Her face, especially. I should've taken that knife."

Newt shakes his head. "We need you here, Rhea. All these times we survived was probably because of you and Tommy. Without you..." He shakes his head. "We wouldn't have stood a chance."

The crying has stopped. So has the shaking. I just feel empty. No hate, no anger, nothing. I just feel... pain.

"No. You would've. You know you would've. Astrid was young. She should have survived, lived her life and hopefully see a better world than the one she remembered. I- I took that away from her," I place my hands against my face, shielding my eyes as I let out a shaky breath. "Do you know what my label is, Newt? Your's is the Glue. Maybe because you hold everyone together. But mine?" I let out a dark chuckle. "Mine is the Shadow."

Newt's quiet for a while. Then when he speaks, his voice is certain.

"Doesn't everyone need a shadow? Isn't a shadow your Best Friend?" He asks, holding onto me tighter.

I let out a breath, dropping my hands from my face and turning to look at him. "Isn't a shadow the thing that takes the light out from people?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I could use a whole lot more shadows out in this bloody desert," Newt grins a little, that lopsided smile making my heart lurch.

I feel the wildest urge to smile, but I tamp it down, instead settling for a small chuckle, shaking my head and just leaning against him, wanting to just remain like that until the screams fade from my mind.

~

We don't go back to the cave. We sit there and watch the stars, and I teach Newt how to be more aware of his surroundings so that he won't miss it when I suddenly disappear.

"How did you learn all these bloody stuff?" Newt had asked.

"I'm self taught," I replied.

"Why'd you even teach me?" Newt asked.

"Because sometimes, no one will be able to find me when I need the most finding," I say, only half jokingly.

When daylight reaches, I let Newt go to the cave first, hating the day because I wish there were more hours of night to spend with him.

I stand up and scout the area for any Cranks but all of them aren't anywhere near us. And these Cranks aren't so far past the Gone.

"Hey, Rhea," Minho says, coming up to me from behind when I reach someplace near the cave.

I frown. "Why are you out here?"

Minho shrugs. "Just needed to thank you for yesterday. If you weren't there, I would be dead by now."

I nod, though I highly doubt that Sonya would have killed him. "No problem."

"And I also want to know who's side you're on," Minho adds, walking beside me as we enter the cave.

I feel myself tense a little. "What do you mean?"

"Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?" Minho questions.

"But what do you mean?" I say, slower this time.

"The girls' or ours?" Minho says, and now everyone has turned to face us and listen to our conversation.

Aris comes up next to me and puts a hand on my shoulder while I lean on the cave wall behind me, one leg against it and the other on the ground.

Guys in one spot, girls in the other and Jorge at the side, watching in anticipation.

"What do you think?" I ask.

"I don't know. But we need to make our sides clear," Minho says, frowning at me.

I raise an eyebrow but of course, he can't see me. "I thought we were all a team."

I say it and by my tone, they know I don't actually believe that.

"Answer the question, Rhea," Quill says, her tone cold. "All of us need to know."

"I'm on the side I agree with," I say, my tone suddenly chilly and menacing. "But as for whose team I'm on? I spent three years running with those girls. I'm not going to abandon them for a week spent with you."

I see the look of surprise on Quill's and Harriet's faces, and the grin that forms on Sonya's. I clear my throat, looking away. "We should get moving. Thomas and Brenda aren't going to be any safer today than they were yesterday."

Jorge claps and stands up. "Well said. Come on, let's get moving. It's quite a distance from here but we'll be able to reach there by mid afternoon."

"Take the weapons," Quill orders, and I couldn't care less.