Midnight Thoughts

Demons Inside Her

Waking up from sleepless nights almost every day with a warzone in your head , but you're still expected to carry out your day happily. 

Because if you don't, if you let the sadness consume you whole, you'll have to face the consequences. 

The overpowering guilt that floods through your body and blocks out the entrance of any other human emotion. Asking yourself why? Why am I unhappy? I don't have a reason to be. 

With all kinds of suffering happening around, your non-existing reasons seem hideous if not completely negligible. 

It's just like there is a hole in your memory. A blurry patch where all the answers to your endless questions lie, but you gave up trying to clear it long ago. 'Cause the harder you search, the more you stray away from reality. 

You don't remember when you first had the honour of meeting them. Those seemingly tenderhearted and affectionate creatures. Ones that will eternally haunt your naive mind. 

And no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to stop them from seeking shelter in your beat down-brain. 

Whenever you seem "out of it" you're expected to state a reason. To give some sort of proof, an explanation, but how can you do that when you don't have the answers yourself?

Instead, you skim through the list of worn-out lies that are stored in the frequently visited part of your brain. Quickly, picking out one of those antiquated phrases that you have been repeating like a mantra.

Desperately trying to please and quite those questioning eyes. Making you want to bury yourself 6 feet under with their burning gazes.

Your once articulate self is staring back at you with lifeless hollow eyes. 

Silently mocking the being you've become.

A teasing scornful smirk adorning her flawless face.

'Who are you fooling? 'Says that godforsaken voice in your head. 

The one which dominates all your rational thoughts muffling them into unheard whimpers of agony and self-abomination.