Where Lust Lies

Should've, Could've, Would've.

I just needed a minute to think. I'm struggling everyday suppressing my feelings and fantasies. Maybe there's something wrong with me. What if I finally cheat on Nathaniel? He would be heartbroken. But I have wants and needs, it's like he doesn't listen to me. What am I supposed to do?
*Incoming call from Ariana*
"Ari?"
"Kyomi are you okay girl?"
*sighs*
"Kye? Something's off about you, talk to me, you've been missing important lectures, yesterday I watched you leave mentally you didn't hear a word of the debate. You didn't even take notes. Did you make it to the briefing this morning? Is it Nathaniel? Has he done something to you?"
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"Kyomi are you hearing me?"
"Ari, I hear you please stop talking so loud I'm trying to think, okay? I'll call you later."
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Sometimes I think about leaving Nathaniel for my dream man. Well honestly I would never walk away from Nate. However, my dream mister would walk up to me, standing over us with all his six feet three inches of God's golden rays shining on us. He would then come to me and sweep me off my feet in front of Nathaniel and carry me away. Because my man is passive aggressive he won't put up a fight. I know height shouldn't play apart in love or lust but my man isn't tall. He's not even my height. I'm five feet nine inches of peanut butter brown skin, thick thighs, hips and lips. I'm too much for my man. But I love him, he's my best friend. I just can't see him as my lover. I can't keep my mind off of him. My dream man. I know he knows exactly what was going on between my thighs. It was almost as if he could smell the sweetness of me trickling down my thighs. I know he wouldn't have cared about us being in a public place. The look he was giving me. I know that look. He was hungry. And I was his meal. I saw myself telling Nathaniel that I was going to the ladies room. As soon as I bent the corner I started unbuttoning my blouse. So my sexy black laced bra would be showing for him. And as soon as I finish he comes into the restroom and locks the door. He immediately starts to take off his tie and loosen his cuff links. I feel so vulnerable in front of him. My body is begging for him to touch me in every way. He walks up to me and turns me around my face is against the mirror I'm leaning over the counter, legs spread. His breathing has increased. I feel him, his hand move gracefully up my inner thigh until he reaches my wetness. My panties are soaked and I'm begging him touch me please me keep me cumming. He then grabs both of my hands and uses his tie to bound me. She's begins to pulsate for him. Instead on him climbing inside me, he slides my panties off and begin to taste my sweetness from behind. I don't know what's louder my moaning or his smacking. I can't stop shaking And biting my lips. His tongue feels so good, he really can eat. I feel myself begin to let go, my body is sweating. I tell him I'm cumming and he doesn't stop. He's kissing my clit. And I feel my legs give out. I hear him unbuckle and unzip his pants. I feel him so long and thick, he enters me slowly filling me completely. My eyes begin to roll and I start talking to him. "Go deeper baby! Faster, faster baby I need you to fuck me harder! Don't stop!" He reaches around me and grabs my neck, pulling me back deeper on him. My eyes begin to water, I'm feeling lightheaded. He's about to make me explode. I hear my heels tapping against the bathroom floor. He's kissing on the back of my neck, breathing in my ear, he's doing everything that turns me on. The sound of him breaking my back alone is enough to drive me crazy. I feel him throbbing inside me. He's close and so am I. He starts slowing down, still filling me completely. I moan louder because I feel everything. I feel her getting tighter I'm cumming and I feel his warm thick milk so creamy inside me. Before he leaves he kisses me passionately, with his hand around my neck he presses his thumb against my lips. Right before he walks out he grabs my panties and puts them in his pocket.
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That's what should've happened....
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I have been so trapped in my mind lately, I've fallen behind in my work. My relationship is lacking there's so much going on. I need to tell Nathaniel for the last time that I am not being satisfied by him. I'm afraid I'm going to cheat. Maybe I should just leave him if he's not pleasing me that's a problem. And I have a trial to prepare for and sit in and I need to be focused. But I have to talk to him before I run into my dream man again. Theres no telling what might happen.