What Now

Thing 2

It seems weird to tell the story of Billy without giving the story of Shea. The two boys couldn't be more different, people always tell me how they look-alike but I just don't see it. Billy loved bring a big brother. He cuddle baby Shea, and always attended to him when he cried. It was easy to see their love for each other. Billy was quiet and reserved, and Shea is loud and a bit crazy, my yin and yang.

Even my pregnancies were different for both boys. Billy's pregnancy while not easy, I wouldn't say it was bad. Just some aversion to chicken, and a craving for Honey-nut Cheerios. Shea's however I was sick the whole time. I thought he was a girl for sure because it was so different.

Just before Halloween I went in for a checkup, and we found out Shea was breach, so instead of head down, he was feet down. Just before Thanksgiving they asked if I'd like to try having him turned or if I wanted to schedule a C section. I fell down the google rabbit hole reading stories of babies who flip at the last minute. Stories of ladies who get the babies to flip only for them to flip back. All the while thinking of Billy's umbilical cord being knotted and wrapped up all wrong.

I was scared, but we went to the hospital to try to turn this turkey. They give you this medicine that I swear made me feel like I drank a dozen Jolt sodas. This lady used her hands a pushed hard on my belly, this way and that. I remember thinking I felt sicker during this than I did during Billy's whole labor. This kid showed just how stubborn he was going to be.

They then asked to schedule his C section date. It was a very weird thing to pick out my child's birthday. They kept insisting his due date was a week later than what I said it was. So I picked the soonest date I could on an even day. The rest of us all have even birthdays, I'm not sure why but this crossed my mind.

I worried I'd go into labor before this date, and yet hoped he'd pick his own birthday. The morning of the 12th we checked in for surgery. It was such a contrast to Billy's birth. They had Mike get suited up in scrubs. I had to put on this gown and then they came in to give me the epidural.

A bit later I was rolled back to this operating room. My arms out stretched like I was on a cross and leads all over my body. The robe they gave me covered exactly one nipple. I wondered why they even kept it on. A giant blue curtain just below my bust blocking my view. Mike sitting at my head, the only person in the room I knew.

Shea came screaming into the world upset to leave me it seemed and when they told me how big he was, all I heard was nine pounds. I still can't remember the ounces. NINE POUNDS. I told them all I knew this turkey was over cooked.

Here's the thing, I had ONE person, and now he had to choose to stay with me, or go with the baby as he was checked over in another room. I sent Mike to be with Shea as I was closed up. Remember my earlier fear with Billy, of the baby being fed a bottle, well that fear still stayed, totally irrational.

I was rolled to recovery, the meds making me crazy itchy all over and yet kinda paralyzed. I'll never understand why even in recovery they wouldn't let me have one more person to comfort me while Mike went with the baby. I could see my mom and sister as they wheeled me down the hall to recovery but they weren't aloud to come with me. Then they told me I had to wait an HOUR to see the baby again. I was livid. Mike says Shea was pretty mad too cause at 45 minutes in they brought him to me and let me try to nurse him as long as someone else was there to secure him to me.

Recovery this time was different. I luckily didn't have to share a room, but we had another child so Mike didn't stay the night. Shea didn't have any other complications so that meant less midnight checkup with the nurses. This time I had to stay in patient three days.

Things you don't hear about C section recovery, I lost feeling for a good inch on each side of the incision. They said it will take time for the nerves to reconnect, they never did. They again won't release you till you at least pass gas. I've been asked which birth was harder, and really they are just different this one you have a large cut from to care for, and heal but you get an extra two weeks off. My hats off to the moms who have to push only to then need a C section, blown out and cut up. I know what a visual right? I won't get started on how we need to give moms more time before going back to work.

Nursing came more naturally this time, but I also remember getting more blocked milk ducts, and mastitis. That was so painful I'd cry if I couldn't get my milk to release properly. I'd try anything hot shower, warm compress, massaging it with a vibrator (yup, really) anything to get the milk to move and avoid an infection. Now and then though a fever would come and the bluish purple netting would appear on my breast and I knew I'd have to go to the doctors. Men wonder why after childbirth the breasts are no longer an erogenous zone for many women add chapped nipples and exhaustion to the above and I hope they now understand.