Johnny Cade's little sister

Chapter 12

Life is full of obstacles.

Whether it's a physical obstacle or an emotional obstacle, they're absolutely every where. My life happens to be stuffed full of them. No matter how hard I try to accomplish something or try to please someone, something has to get in the way.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how I feel anymore. It's been a week since Ponyboy told me his feelings. I feel like shit for the way I reacted an ran out on him.

I'm such a hypocrite. I tell him how I feel that no one loves me but then I push away the people that do love me. I want to love him, I do. But, I am so terrified of what could come. I want a relationship but relationships scare the shit out of me. Ponyboy... he's wonderful. I am so thankful that he came into my life. Even after the way I treated him he still dropped off my night bag to the house.

I haven't talked to Johnny much, he's staying with Pony while I'm staying at the house. He asked if I wanted him here but I said his friend probably needs him.

To say I've been avoiding Ponyboy was an understatement. If I see him walking my direction at school, I dodge down the closest hall way or into the girls bathroom. He looks sad, and That just makes me feel like more shit. I want to talk to him but I feel if I do, I'll get scared and run out on him again.

Christmas is coming. I love christmas, so much. I love the lights, and the decorations and how it's a time for family. I've never really had a proper Christmas. Only a few, when I was younger and last year with my grandparents. But I do need to get the boys something, especially Ponyboy. I need to get him something special.

As it was Saturday and I have no life, I decided it would be a good day for shopping. Should I take some pride in my appearance or no? I thought. I looked in the mirror and was a bit scarred by my appearance. My hair was a mess, my eyes were red from all of my crying from the past nights and I looked pale. Well I have no one to impress so fuck it.

I slipped on my high waisted jeans and a light pink fluffy sweater and my white keds. I brushed my teeth, grabbed my purse and was out the door.

Times like these is when I appreciate my license. I don't like driving though, it scares me. But on a scale of drive to the damn mall or get jumped by Socs, I choose driving.

The mall isn't far away, about fifteen minutes surprisingly. I didn't even know that Tulsa had a mall until last week. I parked Johnny's truck and walked into the tiny mall. It was decorated with Christmas trees and lights and just everything red and green.

I walked around for a few hours going shop to shop and almost have everything, I just need a present for Ponyboy. For Dally I got him a new leather jacket, it was black and had silver chains on it an it was really nice. For Darry I got him a nice and formal watch, he just looks like a watch guy. For Steve , I got him a nice, new baseball mitt. For Johnny I got him a new jean jacket cause the one he has is turning to shit, I also got a nice picture frame an I'm going to put a picture I found from when we were younger inside of it. For Sodapop, I got him one of those pocket tools sets, this one is cool, I suppose, it comes with a lot of tools. For Two-bit, I got him a pocket knife. This one had a large black handle and many blades hidden inside. When I bought it, the cashier gave me a weird look and I gave him my most innocent smile.

Now for Ponyboy... I can't seem to find him anything. Nothing here seems good enough for him. I've been walking around, searching for hours and can't find nothing fit for him. All of these presents are cheesy and seem to juvenile. I decide to just come back another day as it is Saturday and rather late.

The drive home is quicker and I'm in the house within ten minutes. I set everything down and go straight to bed. looks like it's a night to sleep with no pants.

I woke up well rested and rather early for my taste but I can't go back to sleep. I'm still thinking about what to get Ponyboy for Christmas, I have time. I just don't like waiting till the last minute.

I got out of bed and started walking to the bathroom when I accidentally bumped into my desk and a load of papers fell out. My music papers fell out, and that's when I had the idea.

Ponyboys POV

It's been two full weeks since I declared my feelings for Liz. Last week and the week before, Liz was avoiding me at school. It's now Christmas break and I really miss her. I want to spend Christmas with her, more than anything, but I think she needs her space. I want to talk to her, I really do. But I just don't wanna push her and make her hate me even more.

Hopefully she'll talk to me before Christmas because then my present for her will be absolutely pointless and I'll look incredibly stupid.

I haven't felt like myself lately. Soda has noticed my change in behavior, Darry hasn't noticed much, but I didn't expect him to. Sodapop hasn't really mentioned it until today.

"What the matter kiddo?" Soda asked and plopped down on the couch next to me.

"Well, Soda... I told Lizzy.."

"And..."

"She ran out cryin'" I told him.

"And why is that?" he asked.

"It's kinda personal... Just the way she feels. I guess she isn't ready for a relationship, I think she hates me now." I spoke the truth I've been denying to myself.

"Pony, I really doubt she hates you. I see the way she looks at you and she definitely doesn't hate you. I think you just needa give her some time and it will all be okay." Soda advised.

He left the room after that and I thought about what he said. Maybe he's right. Maybe she just needs time.

A few days later I was still sittin' on the couch thinking about the girl who stole my heart. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. it's weird because everyone is here and if they aren't they just barge in. I walked over and opened the door. My breathing hitched at the person in front of me.

She stood there, holding her hands infront of her. She was clasping onto a few sheets of white paper. Her hair was still long and it was in these big curls. She was wearing a Christmas sweater and it was so adorable on her with her high waisted jeans. And of course she had on her white keds. I pay attention to these things, you never know when it could be the last time you see them.

I looked into her big brown eyes and waited for her to say something.

"Hey..." she began.

"Hey."

"Can you, uhm, can you come with me to the old church?" that was not what I expected her to say.

"Yeah, just let me get my keys." I said and grabbed the keys off of the small coffee table. We both walked to the truck side by side and I opened the passenger door for her and then I got into the car.

The drive was quiet and we arrived quite quickly. To my surprise, Liz was already out of the car and walking to the window. She slid in easily with me behind her and she started walking around the place.

"What are we doing here?" I asked with my hands in my pockets.

"I wanted to show you something." she slightly smiled and started to walk towards the piano in the other room.

-hey guys.

Sorry this is a shorter chapter but I don't want to rush it because this is a special part.

Anyway I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

I have cheer tryouts tmrw so please pray for me that I do good ! loll thank you guys if you do.

Does anyone even read my authors notes ?

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