The Nearest To My Heart -John Lennon Fan Fiction - Paul McCartney Fan Fiction - Beatles Fan Fiction

Chapter Sixteen - She's Not There

 Everything and everyone around John faded into the background of the restaurant. His mind was elsewhere. "What else could it be, John?" Paul's words had struck a chord with him. He wanted to hurt Charlie and stood her up that afternoon. Charlie going out for drinks with Paul was a betrayal, and that hurt him far more deeply than he was comfortable admitting to himself, and John wanted to punish her for making him feel that way.

"I got through to Sonny." Cynthia rejoined John at the table and picked up a menu. "She put Julian down for the evening."

John merely nodded in response, his wife's words having no meaning to him. His thoughts lead him away from Cynthia and her attempt at small talk.

Paul was gone before The Debutantes, Howard and Clive stepped out of the dining room. 

After the reporter left Howard and Wanda headed for the elevators. Charlie and Annette stayed behind. 

John waited for Charlie to approach him, but she appeared to be doing the same, waiting for John to walk over to her. It was a standoff in the middle of the lobby, and neither one seemed to be willing to take the first step to close the distance between the two of them. 

George and Annette met half way. 

Charlie walked through the lobby toward the front entrance of the hotel. John hesitated briefly before he followed her. He didn't say anything until they were standing outside. "Are you with me?" John asked abruptly.

This was a conversation that Charlie didn't want to have with John in public or private. Charlie felt that she was being made to choose, and she'd already chosen, but John didn't know that. Being put on the spot made her defensive. "I'm not with Paul." She met John's eyes.

His shoulders slumped forward, feeling relieved but still cautious. "Are you with me?" He repeated hesitantly.

Charlie saw the uncertainty in John's eyes and knew that he needed to be reassured. She wanted to ease his mind, but it made her feel vulnerable, and that emotion was a difficult one for her. Charlie wasn't comfortable with expressing her feelings. 

She reached out for his hand. This would have to do.  It wasn't enough for John, and the hurt look on his face made her feel terrible.  For her own emotional self-preservation, she was unwilling to say what he needed to hear. "John," 

"John," Cynthia looked up from her menu. "Do you know what you want?" 

"Do you know what you want?" John slipped his hand out of Charlie's.

This wasn't what she wanted. Charlie wanted to have fun without any entanglements or promises that neither one of them could keep. It was just easier that way, and she didn't understand why John didn't share her thinking. 

Charlie thought he would've been relieved, but John was proving to be full of surprises, and she was unsure of how she felt about this part of his personality. She refused to share her confusion with John, confessing that she might feel strongly for him was out of the question. 

"Do you?" He pressed, needing to know that it was him she wanted.

"Do you?" Paul tapped his cigarette into the ashtray.

Charlie looked up from the menu.

He took a leisurely drag off of his cigarette. "Do you know what you want?"

Charlie resumed looking at the menu. 

"Could you give us a few more minutes?" Paul requested.

"Yes, Mr. McCartney," The waiter nodded, and excused himself from the table.