Trust Hannah Hunt

Chapter 5 - Toxic Shock

Chapter 5 - Toxic shock

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„Ezra get ready,we got to get on stage in like…10 minutes! The crowd is already freaking out!”  Rostams voice tore me out of my daydreams. “ What the hell are you doing? You’ve been sitting on that chair for almost 20 minutes just starring onto this white wall… you’re getting weirder and weirder Ez”

It was the 30th of October and we were about to play a little pre-release gig of our upcoming album at a club in New York. There weren’t many people but those who were there were pretty much our hardcore fans, freaking out, eager to finally see us. I can’t tell you why, but this night I felt kind of nervous. I usually don’t feel nervous before our gigs anymore, but tonight was weird. It was different. I almost felt like I had changed.

And besides that, there was just something….someone that wouldn’t get off my mind…That I wouldn’t get off my mind.

Hannah.

Two weeks had passed and since the last time I met her I never heard anything of her again. Usually I wouldn’t care about girls disappearing after one night again, but somehow I couldn’t forget Hannah. I mean, she just slept with me and then simply disappeared not saying anything, no goodbye, no see you , no trading of phone numbers…. And what confused me the most that Rotsam kept telling me the days after that he was sure that Hannah was crying when she left his place… and that’s what I couldn’t forget. Why should’ve she been crying? A crying Hannah Hunt? That didn’t make sense! She was this beautiful, self-confident admired girl at University and when we met in that Club I didn’t feel like she had changed a bit.

When I thought about Hannah, what I saw, what I knew about her, how I felt about her and then, what Rotsam had said about her I felt like I had to complete a puzzle in my head, but there was always a piece missing or the other pieces wouldn’t fit into another.

And somehow I wouldn’t get rid of this feeling that she was trying to hide something fro me….from the whole world… and that was the reason why she just simply disappeared again, like she did back when we were still at the University. One day she just didn’t show up to the lectures anymore. No one knew where she’d been gone to, not even her best friend Suzie.

And now… it had happened again! She appeared in front of my eyes, and just as I wanted to get closer to her she gave me a little taste and disappeared again….

Damnit, it was driving me crazy. I just couldn’t forget these white roses and daisies in her brown long her and her deep green eyes.

Suddenly I felt a hand laying down on my shoulder. It was Tomson. “Jesus Ezra, you need to stop dreaming about this girl. What the hell happened to you? College-Ezra reboot? Get it, you were a one-night stand and that’s it. Hannah has always been like that, don’t you remember? She took what she could get and no one was ever able to get close to her mentally. She just didn’t give a fuck about these kind of feelings back then…and she doesn’t now still. Get over it man. It’s getting awkward.”

Though Tomson probably was right, I tried to refuse believing his words in my mind as strong as I could. Hannah wasn’t like that. She wasn’t. She just wasn’t….

I knew it was time to go on stage. I could hear the fans screaming for us and I knew that playing music now was the only thing that would help me keeping my thoughts away from Hannah… and from this chaos she had started inside of me.

I took a deep breath and got up, put my guitar around me and we walked onto the stage. When I heard the fans screaming louder and louder, screaming my name, I finally dived into this other world, were I had to worry or think about nothing but playing my guitar and singing our songs.

And there were no more memories about the shy awkward Ezra I used to be. I ultimately transformed in the Ezra I really was now, the Ezra I was supposed to be: Self-confident, charming, admired.

I enjoyed getting the attention of so many girls at our gigs. Though tonight there were only about 600 people in the club, but still there were some girls in the first row freaking out and holding a cut out paper heart in the air that was saying ‘ArZe’. I smiled at them and the freaked out even more, looking at each other for a second, screaming again and then going nuts focusing me and the band again.

Sometimes during our songs I would  go through the first couple of rows with my eyes because I was curious about seeing people coming to our gigs and if I’d have seen any of them before. Sometimes I’d spot incredibly pretty or funny faces there.

Tonight I saw a lot of younger girls wearing our merchandise, I saw a couple making out, I saw a guy who was obviously stoned and a few girls with green dyed hair….and suddenly my eyes stopped moving as I spotted an insanely beautiful face in the middle of the crowd. A girl not moving, just standing there, smiling at me and being totally aware of the fact that I was looking at her. Her hair was tied up to a big messy pony tail and she had put a big white flower behind her ear. I felt like these green eyes were coming closer and closer to me, hypnotizing me. I wasn’t able to look away anymore. I was afraid to mess up during any of our songs because now I somehow felt nervous again.

I don’t know why or how, but Chris seemed to have notice that I didn’t feel that comfortable anymore and so he gave me a little hit during ‘Taxi Cab’.

I let go off these beautiful eyes for a second, throwing a thankful look at Chris and then playing on. When I searched for these eyes in the crowd again, it was like they just had disappeared, they were gone and I couldn’t find her anymore. I couldn’t find her face anymore. I couldn’t find Hannah anymore.

After the gig

“Man that was awesome. That was really awesome.” Chris screamed as we walked through the corridor behind the stage to the backstage area of the club. “ Yeah… I think the fans will like our new stuff. I’m really excited to get the record out now guys, what to you think?” Tomson replied. We all had loved  playing this little gig with all of our New York fans in the crowd.

“ Sorry for that little weird moment when I stood there like an idiot, looking totally paralyzed. I just didn’t feel very well for a second guys…” I felt stupid about how I was acting like a nerd that one moment and so I felt like I needed to apologize for it, but somehow I also tried to justify myself…

We sat down on a big couch in the backroom and Tomson got a bottle of beer for everyone out of the small fridge that was standing here.

“ Sorry I don’t feel like drinking tonight …. I’ll get myself some water, I remember outside on the corridor was another fridge with water bottles. I’ll be right back.”

I went out of the room and got into a long corridor that was probably leading to the bar of the club. At the end of the corridor, just before it ended at a little door I reached a small  icebox that contained non-alcoholic drinks. I bowed down to get myself a bottle of water and got up again.

Just as I turned around I suddenly felt two soft lips kissing me forcefully and two arms wrapping themselves around my neck carefully. I was about to have a heart attack not knowing what the hell was actually happening, but then these lips felt were familiar and when I realized that I knew this person kissing me, my heart was beating even faster but I made it to let myself go into this kiss and enjoyed it, kissing these lips back softly but still with force.

As the arms untangled themselves from me and our lips separated from another again, I slowly opened my eyes, seeing a smiling mouth and beautiful eyes in front of me.

Hannah. It was Hanna.

Confused about her sudden appearance and more confused about her just randomly kiss me I first didn’t know what to say but then tried to play it cool… not sure if I actually failed or not.                                                                

“Hannah…hey..how…”

 “Hey Mr. Ezra. I hope I didn’t terrify you with my kiss. I just thought it would be a nice way to greet you and a little redemption for me being stupid and not giving you any signs of life for two weeks”

2 green eyes looked at me, looking more innocent than any other eyes ever could.