A Poem For Depression & Love

Q.35 they would say

Everyone talks, its human nature.

but...

i cant help but feel my chest get heavy and empty when people talk about their parents.

they would say their parents hate them cause they told them to go out or get a job, when mine have cause perminent traumatization.

they would say their parents were yelling at each other becuase of an arrangement or something, mine argue whenever they talk but they take it all out on me, even my step mother does.

my friends with divorced parents talk about seeing their dad or mum on the weekend, when i cant see my father becuase he would be with my step mum and step sisters who traumatized and abused me when i was younger physically and mentally.

they would say their parents dont talk much but greet eachother when they hand their child over to eachother, my dad straggled my step dad and knocked out my step brother when they first met in front of my school on the road causing me to get bullied more and more.

they would say their parents make their lunch, when i had to look after myself when i was in year three becuase my oldest sibling wouldnt look after my oler brothers so i would have to cook and feed the ponies when i got home and before i left.

they joke about therapists saying their weird or dont help, when ive been seeing one since year 4 and ive seen 3 therapiss and a few school counsellors. (I'm in year 8 this year)

people judge others instantly, when i judge them on the impact they cause around others an their personalities/mental disorders.

people say to stay aways from people with autism when one of my friends have it and we get along quite nicely.

people judge others with who they date, when i dont bother with it that much becuase i know my love but i ruined my relationship with her becuase im too damaged to know what to do in a relatioship that i didnt know how to react and i shoved her away.

people think everyone should be straight, but WE ARE FREE TO BE OUR SELVES (DEMISEXUAL AND GREY ASEXUAL HERE) i say be free i support any type of marrige and love, people tend to put gay marriage and that stuff and compare it with insest and family love. we'll... Gay mrriage is a free way to express yourself and your not dating someone with the same genetics and family, instead we technically help reduce population and take in orphans and foster children.

people would say their parents taught them how to cook or ride a bike, when my mum would constantly work and i would barely see my father anyway so i learnt at school when we would have a road safety day called C.A.R.E.S twice in my primary school years. 

people complain about a dog died but i watched my horse die of a drug overdose becuase she was sick and pregnet and my family couldnt save her as I heard her neigh and gasp until death. i watched and heard my cat Chazz scream in agony while coughing up blood in my hands as he died, ive seen my dog drown before i could reach her she died, ive seen so much animal death i dont even bother with it.

people make fun of people taking anti depressants as they don't even help me anymore...

People make fun of lots of things that hurt others and for me just the words father, parents, happy family, suicide, I love my parents and I love my dad causes my PTSD to go off the charts... ill never stop forgetting and sometimes I feel like I cant be saved or happy and Lady Irene and Lord Jashin created me to be sad and for others to be happy... if for me alone to be sad for everyone to be happy, ill take it, I wouldn't mind being a burden but if its for everyone to be happy then ill be the only sad.

( quite weird but I let my emotions out cause I'm tired and I don't really care and it does show a little of my childhood)