Absolutely Smitten

"What if we run away?"

Shayne's POV

"I love you, Shayne Topp. You're the only person in the world to make me feel these things."

Those words echo in my mind. These thoughts are driving me wild. I can't believe I've been so oblivious. My mind is filled with questions and doubts. My best friend is in love with me, and I just kissed the girl I love in front of him.

Shit.
Courtney.
How do I tell her this?
Should I even tell her this?
What will I even say?
God damn it.

Thursday, 8:52 AM

It's been a few days since the party. Damien has been on my mind since then. I'm quickly losing sleep over this man. Well, Courtney too. I've never been one to abide by labels. I mean, I have an open mind about this shit. But my heart will love who it wants to love. My parents had old beliefs so I felt embarrassed to act towards other guys.

I walked into the office very late, of course. My house is several miles away. I really need to find a closer place. It's starting to become a nuisance.

My mood started to go down as the day went on. I kept thinking about the weekend. I can't even be in the same room with them both. Of course, the universe loves making fun of me. So, today, I have to film an episode of "The Show w/ No Name" with Damien AND Courtney. What luck! I tried my best to stay positive, but I'm pretty sure everyone noticed my sour mood.

12:30 PM

Olivia and I had lunch together; alone. I can talk to her about anything as she's one of my best friends. As we ate, she started rambling about someone being a boy and how life is a party or whatever, but I can't focus on what she's saying.

"Shayne, are you even listening to me? Ugh, you're such a dick." Olivia asserted. I apologized and I could feel my tears start running. Her face cracked and concerningly asked, "Wait, what's wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything."

I started by talking about my feelings about Courtney. Then the party. Then Damien's feelings. I revealed every little thing that makes me confused.

"I've never been with a guy, but with Damien, it's different. But I also don't want anybody to know what I feel towards guys. However, I feel like I'm developing feelings for him." I confessed to Olivia. With a concerned face, she asked how I'm certain that these feelings I have are valid.

"Well, here's the thing. He kissed me, and I kissed him back." Olivia looked at me convolutedly and asked: "I thought YOU kissed him to impress Courtney?"

I replied, "Well... I took him to my place since he's very drunk. I took my shirt off and then his shirt off so he can sleep well." I remained quiet for a few moments, too embarrassed to continue.

"And...?" Olivia remarked.

"And he pulled me onto the bed and he kissed me. I kissed him back and we started making out until we both fell asleep. Naturally, we cuddled while sleeping."

Olivia, with her mouth open from shock, muttered "What?! And you say he doesn't remember this?" I shook my head and whispered, "No, he doesn't remember anything. Not even our conversation in the car."

I added, "It was beautiful. Everything felt right, but I suddenly remembered Courtney. I secretly hoped he remembered everything because then he would know what to do." Olivia, then responded, "Well, if you feel that way, you should stick with him."

I immediately interrupted her and explained why I can't. I explained how I've always loved Courtney. "She's so beautiful, and I've fallen for her since the minute we met."

"During the party, Courtney and I talked about everything and we both connected. She's the person I can have a deep conversation with and crack jokes within the same sentence. She's the first woman I've felt a genuine connection with. Like, our relationship is finally getting somewhere. I've been waiting for this for a few years. With Damien, I can start to feel the same thing. I just can't choose."

Since we were needed somewhere else, we quickly wrapped up the conversation. Olivia hugged me tightly and advised, "You know Courtney's my best friend so I'm gonna be a little biased towards her. But Damien is also a good person. You're also my best friend. So, I say you choose what YOUR HEART wants. Follow it or you'll regret it."

Olivia's advice made me feel inspired. I decided that I'm gonna talk to them. One of them. I don't know who, but I will. Eventually.

5:11 PM

Everyone was called into one of the rooms for a quick meeting. I felt like throwing up at the idea of seeing them both again. As if filming with them this morning isn't enough already. We all walked into the room and Courtney and Damien sat next to me.

God, Courtney is so beautiful. But, now that I know the truth, I can notice Damien's stares. The way he looks at me is so adorable. He's also beautiful. FUCK I'm so gay. But Courtney is also beautiful. I mean, Damien and I basically dry humped and cuddled the other night.

Ian and the producers revealed the reason for the meeting. We were gonna film "Smosh Summer Games" starting on Monday. The theme is gonna be "Wild West." To get ready, we were gonna have the next three days off before leaving to the filming location.

"Okay, you guys can go home now. Make sure you guys get everything you need and get plenty of rest." Ian announced. Damien instantaneously walks out as we were dismissed. I packed my stuff and went on my way.

I was walking to my car and saw Damien outside of his. I suddenly felt the urge to go up to him and talk.

"Hey, Dames." I greeted a little flirtatiously. He quietly mumbled a sorrowful 'hey, Shayne'.
I quickly say "Wait, are you okay? What's wrong?" with some concern in my voice. I could see the tears in his eyes form. His beautiful brown eyes started getting cloudy.

"It's nothing. I just feel confused and it's overwhelming." Damien lamented. I instantly knew he was referring to me when he said he's confused. "Confused about what?" I reply.

He seemed annoyed and emotional. "I said, it's nothing, Shayne. I'll see you," He enunciated as he forcefully tries to get into his car. I immediately pull his arms and kiss him. Like for real kiss him this time. A kiss not for impressing Courtney. A kiss without alcohol. And a kiss both of us can remember. I felt infinite. It felt like pure bliss.

Damien's face grew large, with his mouth gaped from shock. Before letting him talk, I gushed, "What if we run away?"

"Just the two of us. Together."

Still, in shock, he replies, "What do you mean? We have to film next we-" I cut him off instantly.

"Not forever you dingo, we have three days to get away from all of this. Then we can come back as if nothing happened. What do you say?"