it wasn't always like this.
I lie on the floor and stare and the stars. rwinkling softly as they fade away, sky getting gradually lighter.
it used to be bearable.
I remember when I was a kid, the days full of vibrant colours, the world moving so fast. the colours blurring together, surrounding me in a pastel paradise as I spun along with the earth. I remember the night, and surrounding myself in mountains of toys and blankets, nearly suffocating myself under the comfort. letting sleep fall on me, slowly creeping in, then all at once. I remember the night being so black. such a contrast to the brightness of day.
I remember twilight.
watching the beautiful, forget-me-not sky darkening, watching with fascination as swirls of ink tinted the bright sky. I used to sit on the roof, staring at the stars as they made their first appearance of the night. they were like people, to me. I imagined them as actors, waiting till the lights dimmed to show their shining faces on stage.
twilight was soft. easing me into the depths of night, like the shallow end of the pool preparing me for the ocean. it was warning me. it was my childhood, preparing me for the darkness of my current reality.
there was always something eerie about how everything stopped after the lights were turned off. like someone flipped a switch, and suddenly a blindfold was placed over the eyes of every person awake. turning your eyes away from the things that happen when you should be dreaming.
this is the closest I can get to dreaming. I reach out, grasping at the memory, but it's like trying to catch smoke. the laughter and blurred colours echo around my mind, bouncing further and further away from my outstretched arm.
I sigh, letting it fall to the pavement.
YOU ARE READING
insomniac
De Todotick tock the hours tick by, my mind ticks along with it and sleep still won't come.
