intrigue ' sirius [editing]

xx. insecurities

chapter
↳ twenty
moodboard
↳ none
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"No offense," Sirius mumbled, "but I think you have too much makeup."

"I don't," Millie argued, watching as the boy opened one of her red lipsticks and brought it to his nose. "Why are you sniffing it?"

Sirius shrugged. "I thought they were scented."

The two had found that out of their friend group, they were the only two free on Valentine's Day. Whether or not it was planned would go unanswered, but planned or not, they chose to make the most of it.

Besides, Millie had thought long and hard about what James had said, and she wanted to spend time with Sirius alone. She wanted to see if this crush was really worth it, or if she should just move on. Mostly, though, she wanted a friend.

Especially now that Benji and Demetria we're officially an item, the two often wanted to do things that definitely didn't include Millie. Things like holding hands and kissing and just generally being nuisances in Millie's opinion.

Now it was just her and Sirius sitting across from each other on her bed, surrounded by the comfort of her secret room.

"Pucker your lips like halfway," Millie said, grabbing the red lipstick out of Sirius' hand.

The boy obliged with only some difficulty, and talked through his pursed lips as Millie worked her magic. "Stealing Peter's camera for an impromptu photoshoot is quite possibly the best thing we could've done."

"Right?" Millie grinned at Sirius, her heart beating only slightly at the fact that they were only inches apart from each other. "I'm gonna make you look like a rockstar — a cool one."

Sirius rose an eyebrow and gave her a cheeky smile. "Didn't you say you were going to marry a rockstar, Millie?"

Millie shrugged, too busy searching for the perfect eyeshadow shade to really look bothered. "I've changed my mind."

"Oh?"

"I want an artist now. Someone artistic. And handsome."

"Like James?" Sirius asked, closing his eyes to let Millie brush on some brown pigment. "He can paint and draw, and he's one of the handsomest blokes in school. He's got abs, too, you know."

Sirius didn't have abs, and it wasn't something he disclosed to many people, but it was something he had always struggled with. Unlike James who had a fast metabolism, or Remus who was just a naturally scrawny boy, Sirius was more soft-bodied, and had a soft stomach to match.

He remembered what he thought was going to be his first time: he had her shirt off and she was in the process of pulling off his, only to not-so-politely declare that he didn't look like she thought he would.

Maybe he was too young to hear it. Maybe that's what made it such a big insecurity in his life. Maybe that's why he hasn't taken off his shirt in front of anyone but the marauders since. Maybe that's why he would understand completely if Millie found James more attractive than him.

Sirius opened his eyes and focused on the girl before him as she brushed excess powder away from his eyes. It took one fleeting shrug and a defiant hum from Millie to make him feel a bit more at peace with himself. "I've never particularly cared for abs. If I love him, I'll love his body as well. Besides, all tummies are cute. And kissable," Millie said matter-of-factly, avoiding Sirius' eyes as she finished up his look.

Sirius felt a jolt somewhere in his veins as he pictured Millie pressing kisses against his chest and abdomen. He gulped quietly and looked away. "Oh."

Millie laughed and reached forward, boldly swinging her leg over to straddle Sirius' lap. She cupped his made up face, raising one eyebrow. "Did I fluster you?"

Sirius opened his mouth, but it turned dry before he could answer. "N-No — Don't tease me, Millie. You can't. Not while you like James."

Millie rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot."

"What?"

"I don't like boys like James. That's not what I was getting at."

"What kind of boys do you like then?"

"I like boys like you. I like your messy hair, and your dark eyes, and your horrible sense of humor, and how cozy you look in those oversized sweaters. I love your loyalty to your friends, and your willingness to help others. I love how I can fuss at you about nearly anything and you'll turn it into banter and turn my mood upside down. I love that I can put makeup and flower crowns on you and you won't get upset. I love those looks you give me, and I love the way you kiss, and the way you hug, and if I had it my way I'd kiss you every day and hold your hand while walking around the castle. And James told me I shouldn't tell you all this until I was absolutely sure, but honestly Sirius, I don't think I've ever been so sure about anything in my life. I like you."

And suddenly Sirius was pulling Millie closer to him, his lips brushing against hers as he spoke. "Can I— Millie I want to kiss you."

"Kiss me then." So he did. He pressed the pads of his fingers into her skin and held her tightly as his lips moved. Slowly, tentatively, Millie tilted his head and his breath hitched when she ran her fingers through his hair and let her teeth graze his lower lip.

He fell back onto his back, hands slipping to the back of Millie's thighs to hold her in place as she hovered over him. She dipped down and kissed his jaw, just behind his ear. Without meaning to, Sirius let a soft moan escape his lips, and then a second one after feeling Millie smirk against his skin. "You're driving me crazy, love."

Millie's kisses grew softer and slower, cascading across the span of his neck and up to his cheeks before back to his lips. "Good," she whispered, pulling back as he lifted his lips to meet hers. Frustrated at her teasing, he let out a small whine and grabbed the back of her neck to pull her down towards his lips.

This is all he wanted. He wanted Millie, open and honest and completely his to indulge in, even if just for the moment.

And that night, when James asked if they should add the secret room to their map, Sirius felt the purple bruise behind his ear and shook his head. "Let's keep it a secret; somewhere only we know."

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a/n:

oh hey guys long time no see

i hope this chapter made up for my absence?