Bob Ross falls in love

Chapter 7: Bob Ross Finds a Potato

"I aM sAd."

"Why."

"CuZ dIrT lEfT."

"Why."

"To FeTcH sTiCk"

"Why."

"BeCaUsE." 

"Go find potato, it make you happy."

"FiNe." Bob Ross strolled slowly away, upset with the loss of Dirt. Brenda would have been sad but she doesn't really have emotions.

Bob Ross rode his pink tricycle far into the woods, where he began his search for a potato. "ThErE wIlL oBvIoUsLy Be PoTaToEs In ThE wOoDs." Then, out of no where, a thunderous voice suddenly appeared followed with a flash of lightening, "THERE WILL NOT BE ANY POTATOES, EXCEPT FOR ME. THE ALMIGHTY POTATO GOD." 

"WaT." Bob Ross looked up to see a giant potato floating above. He wasn't sure how it was talking since the potato god didn't have a face. 

"BOW DOWN TO ME, FEEBLE PEASANT FOR IT IS I, SIMONY JANCHEZ." 

"DiD yOu SaY jImOnY sAnChEz?"

"WHAT? NO. I SAID SIMONY JANCHEZ!"

"SoOo... JiMoNy SaNcHeZ?"

"NO, YOU FOOL. SIMONY JANCHEZ! SIMONY! JANCHEZ!"

"PfFt, OkAy JiMoNy SaNcHeZ."

"UGH, YOU JUST, YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I AM HERE TO GRANT YOU THREE WISHES, THAT IS IF YOU PROMISE TO LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK."

"ArE yOu A gEnIe?"

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, NO! I LITERALLY SAID I AM A POTATO GOD."

"Oh, I uNdErStAnD gEnIe."

"What is wrong with you... AHEM. WHAT SHALL THY WISH FOR?"

"DoG."

"DOG?"

"DoG."

"IS THERE, UH, A CERTAIN KIND OF DOG YO-"

"DoG."

"ARE YO-"

"DoG." 

"FINE, FINE. IF IT IS DOG YOU WANT, IT WILL BE DOG YOU GET!" Arms grew from each side of the potato god, newly grown fingers wiggling to the rhythm of his chanting. "HUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANAHUMANA!" A light appeared above Bob Ross, soon taking form of a big, majestic poodle. It floated slowly down to the ground, landing just in front of Bob Ross. 

Bob Ross gasped and stared at the dog. "ThIs DoG iS..." He stepped closer to the dog, "CRAP." He grabbed the poodle and chucked it away. 

"W-WHAT?!?! 

"I wAnT dOg GiVe Me DoG."

"I ALREADY GAVE YOU A DOG!" 

"No NoT tHaT dOg, I wAnT tHe DoG."

"WHAT DOG ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"

"ThE dOg. I'm TaLkInG aBoUt ThE dOg."

"I CAN'T GIVE YOU THE DOG IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE DOG IS."

"YoU sHoUlD KnOw AbOuT tHe DoG!"

"WELL I DON'T. JUST WISH FOR SOMETHING ELSE!" 

"FiNe. I wAnT a HaShBrOwN."

"YOU WANT... A HASHBROWN."

"YeS."

"OUT OF EVERYTHING YOU COULD WISH FOR, YOU CHOSE A HASHBROWN?"

"YeS."

"OK, THEN I SHA-"

"wAiT!" 

"HAVE YOU COME UP WITH A BETTER WISH?"

"YeS. I wAnT tWo HaShBrOwNs."

"YEAH, SURE, OKAY." The potato god less dramatically said his chant and two hash browns appeared and fell into Bob Ross's afro. "THAT WAS YOUR LAST WISH. YOU MUST LEAVE NOW!"

"I hAd ThReE wIsHeS."

"WHAT? NO YOU DON'T."

"YoU sAiD i DiD."

"PFFFFFFFT I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT."

"WaT." 

"OK BYE, HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN." And with that, the potato god disappeared, leaving Bob Ross alone in the woods once again.

"I juSt WaNt DoG." He started pedaling away but stopped when he heard something like a running animal. He turned around and in the distance saw the poodle was coming back, but it wasn't running. It was being held in the mouth of none other than Dirt himself. A tiny Chihuahua holding a pretty large poodle because it makes a lot of sense. Duh.

"DiRt!" Bob Ross shouted in surprise, quickly jumping onto his tricycle to ride off to his pupper. 

"BIORK BIORK," yelped Dirt from the distance, his mighty little far traveling deep into the woods. Dirt threw the poodle off into the woods and began speeding towards Bob Ross all the while the potato lord was watching in puzzlement. Bob Ross accidentally ran Dirt over, but he didn't die so he was fine. Dirt leapt into Bob Ross's arms. 

"I cAn'T bElIeVe YoU cAmE bAcK, lEtS gO hOmE." Then off they went, into the distance leaving to potato lord frozen in confusion and shock, and the poodle was still in the woods, probably being attacked by a squirrel.