"Blades cut just as deep as words. So what's the harm?"
Maybe if they cared, it would harm. Maybe if every word thrown at him wouldn't drive him closer to his easy way out of the labyrinth of suffering and maybe the new sunshine tomorrow would bring...
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It was 3am by the time my mum had stopped crying. I knew because I had taken her phone with me and also knew. Sleep couldn't come to me. I thought of Harry, the time I spent with him. I thought of how worried he looked when his sister said something to him. He has problems of his own. Everyone has problems of their own, much bigger and more serious than mine, but I just can't see them.
I had been clean for 3 days now but I didn't know if I could hold myself together. I unlocked mums phone, just to distract myself from the urge to just cut a little deeper. I scrolled through my Instagram for a while, which only had 21 followers. Then I stalked Harry for awhile, looking at his recent post of his hair which he had styled in a French braid.
Just as I had liked that picture, mother came barging in, all the pity that her face had displayed earlier totally vanished. And just like that she ranted. She screamed of how useless I was, how worthless I was. She told me that I was ugly, fat and I had no life. But what she was telling me was shit I already knew. I was a failure, a loser, a dog that only wagged his tail because they were the ones who fed me.
I tried to block out the noise but she said something and I lost my cool.
"You're a fucking porn star Louis and that's all you'll ever be" She shouted.
I don't know what came over me. That sudden rush of adrenalin through my veins and I just pounced on her, yanked her hair hard and then the realization of what I just did came over me. Guilt was all I felt. I just hit my mother.
Mum looked at me in a shocking glare. I felt so small under her eyes. Tears were streaming down her face.
"Thought you were different Louis, but after all you are your father's son"
She spat on my face. Spat. Her final words imprinted on my brain. Trust me mom,I thought I was different too.
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I have so much free time. Please bare with me if you get too many notifs. I'm just editing
